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Here is a collection of humor compiled from
sources around the 'net...
Disclaimer:
Before you get pissed off, we are not trying to pick on any religion,
nationality, race, caste, creed, sex, etc. We have not written
any of these jokes, so if you're offended by them please don't
read them. We won't entertain any complaints concerning these
jokes. They have been provided as amusement to those who find
them funny. They are strictly to tickle your funny bone!
JOKES
WILL CHANGE OFTEN, SO VISIT REGULARLY
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UPCOMING
HINDI MOVIES
1) Meri Disk Tumhare Paas Hai
2) Aao Chat Kare
3) Programmer No 1
4) Mera Naam Developer
5) Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
6) Hum Aapke Memory Mein Rahate Hain
7) Do Processor Baarah Terminal
8) Tera Code Chal Gaya
9) Har Din Jo Mail Karega
10) Network Ke Ush Paar
11) Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
12) Jis Desh Mein Bill(Gates) Rahata Hai
13) Raja Ban Gaya Mcse..!
14) Client Ek Numbari, Programmer Dus Nambari
15) Login Karo Sajana
16) Naukar Pc Ka
17) Down To Hona Hi Tha
18) * Partition (Deewar)
19) 1942 - A Bug Story
20) Kaho Na Virus Hai
DRUNK
DRIVING
A police officer parked outside a local neighborhood
bar late one evening noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated
that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking
lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After
what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the
man managed to find his car. He was there for a few minutes as
a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he
started the car, switched on the lights moving the vehicle forward
a few feet then in
reverse a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some
more vehicles left.
At last, he pulled out of the parking lot
and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer,
having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol
car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and
carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer
indicated No evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany
me to the police station, this breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight
I'm the designated decoy."
QUESTIONS
TO PONDER
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you
still be hungry?
Before they invented drawing boards, what
did they go back to?
What's another word for thesaurus?
When a Smurf holds its breath, what color
does it turn?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his
hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens
to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you
yelled at them would they still grow? Only to become troubled
and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call
what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything
written on their picket signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is
the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get
away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered
animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish
his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it
the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do
folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest,
will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he
homeless or naked?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrests a mime, do they tell
him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they
pack it in?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia,
can you read all right?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If two wrongs don't make a right, how many
does it take?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does
it become kitty litter?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does
baby oil come from?
When a cow laughs, does milk come up its
nose?
Why do they put Braille on the number pads
of drive-through bank machines?
How did a fool and his money GET together?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they
stick Teflon on the pan?
How do they get deer to cross at that yellow
road sign?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot
them?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal
injections?
What happens to sour cream when it passes
the expiration date?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your
bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns
because they taste funny?
"If Your Keyboard is disconnected then
why does your computer say Keyboard Error Press F1 to continue?"
why do we drive on parkways and park in
driveways
why are things shiped by cars called shipments
and things shiped by ships called cargo
what happens when you go the speed of light
then turn on your headlights
SHORT
JOKES
A man
and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress,
taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that
the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table,
with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of
sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm
and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking
the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon
me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He
just walked in the door."
* * * * * * * * * *
A man
was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old
lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This
is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes
so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted
to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build
me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible.
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach
the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much
steel!! No, not a chance, think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really
good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced
four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm
insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how
they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the
silent treatment...know why they're crying, know what they really
want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy........ "
The genie looked at him then said "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes
or four?"
* * * * * * * * * *
Observing
the baby one night a wife found her husband standing over their
baby's crib. Silently she watched him.
As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture
of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes
glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she
said.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I
just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."
* * * * * * * * * *
A blonde began a job as an elementary school
counsellor, and she was eager to help. She approached and asked
if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later however,
she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching
again, the blonde said, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, she then asked, "Why are you standing
here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing soccer over there?"
"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the
goalie!"
* * * * * * * * * *
A wife woke in the
middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She
got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing
from the basement.
After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband
curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she
asked, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years
ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry
you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."
* * * * * * * * * *
HOW
DO CRAZY PEOPLE GO THROUGH THE FOREST?
They take the psycho path.
HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER ?
You boil the hell out of it.
WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE
WALL?
DAM!
WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE
TOO LONG?
Polaroids
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T
WORK ?
A stick.
WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS ?
Nacho cheese.
WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS ?
Subordinate clauses.
WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND
?
Quattro sinko.
WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
Spoiled milk.
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH
A VAMPIRE ?
Frostbite.
WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND
PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef.
WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS
Right where you left him?
NRI IN INDIA
A rich widower miser NRI went
back to India and married a young village girl. The girl did not
like his hugging and kissing all the time. He thought of a scheme
to teach his wife not to hate his American life style. He bought
a piggy bank and told his wife that every time he kisses or hugs
her, he will put a rupee coin in the piggy bank and at the end
of month she can open the bank and buy a new saree with the money.
The scheme worked very well. The young wife showed more willingness
to be kissed and hugged. At the end of the month he gave her the
key and told his wife to open the piggy bank. What he saw did not
please him. There were many 5 and 10 rupee bills along with rupee
coins in the box. Where did these come from he demanded angirly.
I’ve been putting only rupee coins. Not everyone is as kanjoos as
you replied the wife.
MADE IN INDIA
A tiny racing car was developed
by American scientists.
The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese could
do to better the car.
The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, they than sent
it to the U.K.
The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and window
tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese, who added on a lowered suspension
to the tiny car.
The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists, looked at the
tiny car, appreciated all the modifications the other countries had made, turned
it over and stamped a sign on it.... MADE IN INDIA!!!
AATI KYA KHANDALA?
(in 10 languages)
Hindi:
He : Aye kya bolti tu?
She: Aye kya main bolun?
He : Sun
She: Suna
He : Aati kya Khandala?
She: Kya karun aakey main khandala?
He : Ghumenge, phirenge, naachenge, gayenge. aaish karenge aur kya?
Kashmiri:
H: heey, kya chaakh wannan?
S: heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy?
H: booz;
S: wanoo
H: pakha telle khandala
S: kya karee weeteth bhe khandala
H: pherevhey,nachevhey,geevevhey,khevevhey,eesh karav,beyy kya??
Bengali:
H: ei ki bolis tui;
S: ei ki ar boli;
H: son;
S: sona;
H: jabi ki khandala??
S: ki kori giye khandala;
H: are, ghurbo phirbo nachbo gaibo maja korbo ar ki
Marathi:
H: Aye kay tu mhantes?;
S: aye kay me mhanhu?
H: aik;
S: aikav;
H: yetes ka khandala?;
S: kay karu yevon me khandala?;
H: bhatkuya, phiruya, gavuya, nachuya, aish karuya. aankhen kay?
Telugu:
H: Aye,yemantaavu?
S: Aye, Yem cheppaali?
H: Vinu,
S: Cheppu;
H: Vastaava Khandala??
S: Yem Cheddam velli manam Khandala?
H: Thirugudaam, Aadudhaam, Paadudaam, Ganthulu Yeddaam Inkemi?
Kannada:
H: Aye, Yenanti Nee?
S: Aye, Naanu Yenu Anali?
H: Kelu,
S: Helu;
H: Barteeya Khandala?
S: Yenu Maadali Naa bandu Khandala?
H: Thirugona, Kuniyona, Hadona, Aadona, Majaa Madona... Innenu?
Sindhi:
H: Aye cha ti chaven?
S: aye cha maan chavan?
H: budh;
S: buhay;
H: achiti cha khandala?
S: cha kayan achi maan khandala?
H: ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi, aaish kandasi, byo cha?
Gujarati:
H: Aye su bole tu?
S: aye hun su bolu?
H: sambhad;
S: sambhdav
H: aavechey ke khandala?
S: su karu aavene khandala?
H: ghumsu, pharsu, khavsu,peevsu, aaish karsu. beeju su?
Magahi (BIHARI):
H: A ki bolahin too,
S: A kya boliyuow hum,
H: Sun
S: sunaow
H: Aaimahi ki khandala;
S: Ki kariaow aake hum khandala;
H: Gumbai Phirbai aish karbai aur ki
English:
H: Aye what do you say?
S: Aye what should I say?
H: Listen.
S: Tell.
H: Coming kya khandala?
S: What do I do coming to khandala?
H: We'll roam, we'll sing we'll dance we'll do aish. what else?
MEDICAL CONDITION
A lady goes in to the doctor's office
to ask a question about her medication.
She said, "I want to know how severe
my condition is?"
The doctor said, "Why do you ask?"
She replied, "Well you told me to take
my medicine the rest of my life and it says no refills!"
FREEFALLING
Two men are sitting in a bar when the first
one says, "If you jump out that window you will go down, but
then come back up and back through the window, because of the updraft."
He then showed the man by jumping out, then
coming back through the window.
Deciding it must be true, the second man jumps
out and plummets to his death.
The bartender walks up to the first man and
said, "Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
ONLY IN AMERICA
Only in America... can a pizza get to your
house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America... are there handicap-parking
places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America... do drugstores make the
sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get prescriptions.
Only in America... do we order a double cheeseburger,
a large fry, and a diet coke.
Only in America... do banks leave both doors
open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America... do we leave cars worth
thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in
the garage.
Only in America... do we use answering machines
to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call
from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America... do banks have drive-up
ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages
of ten and buns in packages of eight.
MURPHY'S
LAWS
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
If there is a possibility of several things
going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the
one to go wrong.
Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen
then.
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will
anyway.
If you perceive that there are four possible
ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then
a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from
bad to worse.
If everything seems to be going well, you
have obviously overlooked something.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Mother nature is a bitch.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because fools are so ingenious.
Whenever you set out to do something, something
else must be done first.
The light at the end of the tunnel is only
the light of an oncoming train.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all
evidence that you tried.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary
to rise above your principles.
Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the
budget.
Success always occurs in private, and failure
in full view.
The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's
job is that users don't really know what they want, but they know
for certain what they don't want.
Exceptions always outnumber rules.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism;
to steal from many is research.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
He who hesitates is probably right.
The ideal resume will turn up one day after
the position is filled.
If something is confidential, it will be left
in the copier machine.
One child is not enough, but two children
are far too many.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion
to the softness of the butter.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
When there are sufficient funds in the checking
account, checks take two weeks to clear.
When there are insufficient funds, checks
clear overnight.
The book you spent $20.95 for today will come
out in paperback tomorrow.
The more an item costs, the farther you have
to send it for repairs.
You never want the one you can afford.
Never ask the barber if you need a haircut
or a salesman if his is a good price.
If it says "one size fits all," it
doesn't fit anyone.
You never really learn to swear until you
learn to drive.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your
body is required on it.
Love letters, business contracts and money
due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives
the day it was sent.
When you drop change at a vending machine,
the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out
of sight.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional
to the reach.
Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.
Life can be only understood backwards, but
it must be lived forwards.
No matter which way you go, it's uphill and
against the wind.
If enough data is collected, anything may
be proven by statistical methods.
Work is accomplished by those employees who
have not reached their level of incompetence.
Progress is made on alternative Fridays.
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe
while the legislature is in session.
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee,
the airline encounters turbulence.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite
criticism.
People who love sausage and respect the law
should never watch either of them being made.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired
of thinking.
When reviewing your notes for a test, the
most important ones will be illegible.
The least experienced fisherman always catches
the biggest fish.
Never do card tricks for the group you play
poker with.
The one item you want is never the one on
sale.
The telephone will ring when you are outside
the door, fumbling for your keys.
If only one price can be obtained for a quotation,
the price will be unreasonable.
CRICKET & DIVORCE
DIVORCE COURT SCENE :
The Judge asks the little girl:
Now that your parents are getting divorced
do you want to live with your mummy?
Girl - No, my mummy beats me.
Judge - Well then, I guess you want to live
with your daddy.
Girl - No, my daddy beats me too.
Judge - Well then, who do you want to live
with?
Girl - I want to live with the Indian Cricket
team, they never beat anybody !!!
ETHNIC JOKES
Why did the Malayalee crossed the road ?
Simbly.
How was wire invented?
Two Marwaris spotted the same coin.
Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was
about a woman?
Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
I, Iyer, Iyengar.
What is the most famous jingle in A.P. ?
A.P. days are here again ...
What do you call a very rich Malayalee?
MillionIyer.
What do you call a Bengali who takes bribe?
Mr. Goosh.
Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything
to the UP ka bhayiya?
The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for
'Kesh'
What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh
no dikro States ma gayon" ?
Ramesh's son failed in statistics...
ETHNIC NAMES
What is he called?
A Sindhi lawyer?: Case-wani
A Sindhi lawyer after a case?: Purse-wani
A blue-skier Sindhi?: Akash-wani
A smart Malayalee?: Debo-nair.
A dynamic Malayalee?: Pheno-Menon.
A jiving Sardar called?: Breakdan Singh.
SAYINGS SEEN ON BUTTONS
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
5. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
9. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
10. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
11. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
12. You! Off my planet!
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self control.
15. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
16. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
17. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
18. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put hoes on my
cat.
19. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
20. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
21. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
22. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
23. God was my co-pilot, but we crashed into the mountains and I had to eat
him.
24. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
25. And just how may I screw you over today?
26. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
27. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
28. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
29. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
30. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
31. Yeah, right! Like I'm going to put that icky thing in my mouth.
32. Allow me to introduce my selves.
33. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
34. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
35. Better living through denial.
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
37. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
38. Adult child of alien invaders. 39. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
40. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
41. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
42. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
43. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
44. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
45. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen
asleep yet.
46. Mall whore: I can suck the numbers right off your credit cards.
47. After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
48. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
49. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
50. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
51. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
52. Adults are just kids who owe money.
53. One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
54. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
55. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave
the house?
56. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
57. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
58. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
59. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
60. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
61. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!
62. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
63. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
64. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
65. Too may freaks, not enough circuses.
66. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
67. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
68. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
69. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
70. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the Earth.
71. Earth is full. Go home.
72. Is it time for your medication or mine?
73. Does this condom make me look fat?
74. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
75. I plead contemporary insanity.
76. And which dwarf are you?
77. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
78. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
79. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
80. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
81. Meandering to a different drummer.
82. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
83. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
YOU ARE A DESI IF...
You might be a Desi if, you have a bought
a video camera just before a Niagara trip and returned it after
the trip.
You might be a Desi if, you keep switching
your internet service provider because the first month is free.
You might be a Desi if, the only reason you
go to a temple/church/mosque on festivals is because there is free
food.
You might be a Desi if, you keep comparing
prices at circuit city for the phone you bought six months ago.
You might be a Desi if, if you bought a Toyota
or Honda car only because it has better resale value.
You might be a Desi if, you go back to your
apartment for lunch.
You might be a Desi if, you know all the $.50
theaters in your city.
You might be a Desi if, you ask for a small
drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free.
You might be a Desi if, spent 2 days cleaning
your apartment before leaving so you can get full security refund
from your landlord.
You might be a Desi if, you don't know any
American outside your work
You might be a Desi if, the lawyer handling
your green card is in your speed dial.
You might be a Desi if, you try to ignore
all other unknown Desi's around you.
You might be a Desi if, you talk to Americans
as if you represent your whole country.
You might be a Desi if, you frequent to yard
sales every week.
You might be a Desi if, your dinner involves
spreading newspaper on the living room floor.
You might be a Desi if, you are compelled
to visit ever major city in US, just so as to say that "Yes
I have been there"
You might be a Desi if, you have a bucket
in your bath tub.
You might be a Desi if, you have to borrow
luggage from friends for a visit back home.
You might be a Desi if, the smoke detector
goes off whenever your are cooking dinner.
You might be a Desi if, you use grocery bags
as garbage bags.
You might be a Desi if, office supplies mysteriously
find their way in your house.
You might be a Desi if, you don't want to
buy a printer because you can always use the office printer.
You might be a Desi if, you decide to marry
a girl/guy that your parents fixed you up with.
You might be a Desi if, if you smell like
a curry.
You might be a Desi if, you have Rin (detergent
soap cake) in your bathroom.
You might be a Desi if, you have taken pictures
of your car and mailed to your folks back home.
You might be a Desi if, you know all of your
friends salary.
You might be a Desi if, you tried to talk
in a phony accent with the freshmen in the school.
You might be a Desi if, there are more that
4 guys living in a 2-bedroom apartment.
You might be a Desi if, you have cooking schedule
in your kitchen cabinet.
You might be a Desi if, you spend at least
2 evenings in a week at Kmart.
You might be a Desi if, you split the tax
from your common grocery bill.
YOU
ARE AN INDIAN IF ...
If you relate to most of these statements,
your ancestors are probably from India. If not, you're in denial!!
You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully,
so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows)
next year.
You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas,
when they are 50% off.
When there is a sale on toilet paper, you
buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of
an adult child who has moved out.
You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen
table.
Your stove is covered with aluminum foil
Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over
it.
You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
You have never used your dishwasher.
You eat all meals in the kitchen.
You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
You always leave your shoes at the door.
You hate to waste food.
Even if you're totally full, if someone says
they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll
finish them.
You have Tupperware in your fridge with three
bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
You don't own any real Tupperware -- only
a cupboard full of used, but carefully rinsed, margarine tubs,
takeout containers, and jam jars.
You have a collection of miniature shampoo
bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
The condiments in your fridge are either Price-Club/Sam's
sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time
you get take-out or go to McDonalds.
Ditto paper napkins.
You never order room service.
You carry a stash of your own food whenever
you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 5 minutes).
You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before
cooking it.
You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
You majored in engineering, medicine or law.
When you go to a dance party, there are a
wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
You live with your parents and you are 30
years old. (And they prefer it that way).
If you're married and 30 years old, you live
in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the
same neighborhood.
You don't use measuring cups.
You feel like you've gotten a good deal if
you didn't pay tax.
Your parents' house is always cold.
You reuse teabags.
You have a drawer full of old pens, most of
which don't write anymore.
You always look phone numbers up in the phone
book, since calling Information costs 50 cents.
You only make long distance calls after 9pm.
You have acquired a taste for bitter gourd.
You like your meat well done.
If you don't live at home, when your parents
call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
Your parents never go to the movies.
Your parents send money to their relatives
in foreign countries.
Your parents use a clothes line.
You've joined a CD club at least once.
You know someone who you think can get you
a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
You never discuss your love life or sex with
your parents.
Your parents are never happy with your grades.
You save your old Coke bottle glasses even
though you're never going to use them again.
You keep used batteries.
You keep most of your money in a savings account.
You call an older person you never met before "uncle."
The first thing uncle asks you is "where
are your parents from?"
When your parents meet strangers and talk
for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
You've been asked if you are a Hindi, or if
you speak Hindu.
Your parents buy Sears/Montgomery Ward appliances
believing they are the best.
No one you're related to is a music major.
You avoid motels, especially if there is an
acquaintance within a 250 mile radius of your destination.
You sleep on their floor.
When you type, you put a space between the
last word in a sentence and the terminating punctuation mark !
Your parents don't realize phone connections
to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and
still scream at the top of their lungs.
When our fathers get together, no matter what
the topic is, each man is an expert.
You have a box of tissue or a towel in your
car.
You grow your own vegetables.
You can't park your car in the garage, because
you never throw anything away and keep it there (just in case you
need it).
You trust only foreign cars (Accord or Camry,
metallic green).
You drive 2 hours and spend a whole day to
get a complementary cutlery set for listening to a sales pitch
on vacation timeshares.
99.9% of the women you know, work in hospitals
(Malayalees).
You cook in bulk.
You have bed sheets on your sofas.
When dining out, your parents think $1 is
enough of a tip.
You recycle Christmas/Birthday gifts.
You head to the clearance rack as soon as
you walk into a store.
You buy clothes from K-mart and put it in
a recycled gift box from Macy's before giving it.
Your favorite brand name is "IRREGULAR".
The few silverware you have is mismatched
and plastic.
You frequently get honked at by those stupid
American drivers who think they know how to drive.
You know someone who owns a motel or a convenience
store.
It's embarrassing if your wedding has less
than 600 people.
You think an Indian businessman will give
you a better deal because he's Indian.
You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't
want to live there.
You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in
the matrimonials no matter what she looks like.
Your dad thinks it's perfectly OK to hawk
and spit out a loogey on the sidewalk.
You use Vicks VapoRub.
The video tapes you rent are 10th generation
copies and have scrolling commercials in the middle of the movie.
You know the words of the "Vicco Turmeric" commercial.
You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory
of a train.
You've had to swerve around animals grazing
on the road.
You've been in a bus where half the people
riding are outside the bus.
All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
You have drinking glasses made of steel, the
rim of which can cut your mouth if you're not careful.
Experiencing 20 power blackouts in a single
day doesn't faze you.
You tape Christmas cards on your wall.
You have a plastic rug-runner going down your
hallway at home.
There's a pungent odor of spices as one enters
your home.
You've never had a tanning salon membership.
You call fluorescent lights "tube lights" or
a flashlight a "torch."
You pronounce "wary" and "very" the
same way.
You pack a suitcase full of toilet paper when
visiting India.
You've tied up your luggage with rope to keep
it from falling apart.
DOCTOR
vs. LAWYER
Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.
One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just
before takeoff, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next
to the two attorneys.
The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled
his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat
said," I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No
problem," said the physician, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked
up the physician's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the
Coke, the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll
have one too." Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch
it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other
shoe and spat in it.
The physician returned and they all sat back
and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the physician
slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How
long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between
our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in
shoes and pissing in Cokes?"
THREE
WISHES
User Submitted
Three guys go fishing and catch a mermaid.
The mermaid begs them to let her free and offers them 1 wish each
if they do. So the 1st guy says I want to be smarter. Then suddenly
the guy knows all these equations and poetry and stuff.
The next guy says I want to be twice as smart.
Then suddenly he knows Shakespeare and lots of other smart stuff.
The 3rd guy then says I want to be 4 times
smarter. Then suddenly he turns into a woman.
SAYINGS THAT SHOULD BE ON BUTTONS
RELATIONSHIP BUTTONS
1. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in
my cleavage.
2. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
3. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
4. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
GENERAL LIFE
5. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
6. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
7. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
8. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
OFFICE BUTTONS
10. A cubicle is just a padded cell without
a door.
11. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
13. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
GREAT INSULT BUTTONS
14. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
15. You! Off my planet!
SHORT
JOKES
User Submitted
A Sardarji newly arrived in England, brought
a car before he picked up the language or rules of the road. One
day while driving in the countryside is car skidded off the the
road and landed in ditch. Much as he tried, he could not get it
to move forward or backward. An Englishman passing-by who came
to help him asked, "What's the matter, mate?"
The Sardarji replied in his best English, "My car garhey mein phasing.
Not hilling aggey, not hilling picchey, only horn pee-pe karing."
Teacher : I wish you would pay a little attention.
Pupil : I'm paying as little as I can.
A man, showing off his knowledge to another,
asked if he knew what shape the world was.
"I don't know," said the second. "Give me a clue."
"It is the same shape as the buttons on my jacket," said the first.
"Square," said the second.
"That is my Sunday jacket," said the first. "I meant my weekday
jacket Now what shape is the world?"
"Square on Sunday, round on weekdays," said the second man.
This happened to an American visitor in Madras.
In his hotel room he picked up the telephone one night and asked
for a 7-up. The switchboard operator answered in his best English, "7-up
? Yes, sir."
The cold drink never arrived, but the next morning the tourist was woken up
punctually at seven o'clock.
What do you use to count cows?
A cow calculator!
What is the coalman's favorite drink?
Cocacoal!
Santa :"Yaar, where does the sun go at
night?"
Banta :"It doesn't go anywhere. It remains there but due to darkness we
can't see it."
THE FIRST GRADE STUDENT
User Submitted
A first grade class was in the class listening
to the teacher who was going to explain evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
Tommy: Yes.
Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
Tommy: Yes.
Teacher: Go outside and look up and see if
you can see the sky.
Tommy: OK. (He returned a few minutes later).
Yes, I saw the sky.
Teacher: Did you see God?
Tommy: No.
Teacher: That's my point. We can't see God
because he isn't there. He doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the
boy some questions. The teacher agreed.
Little girl: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
Tommy: Yes
Little girl: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
Tommy: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions
by this time).
Little girl: Did you see the sky?
Tommy: Yessssss
Little Girl: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
Tommy: Yes
Little Girl: Do you see her brain?
Tommy: No
Little Girl: Then according to what we were
taught today in school, she must not have one....
SAYINGS FOUND ON T-SHIRTS
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all
evidence that you tried.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk
drawer.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't
have film.
Put on your seatbelt... I wanna try something.
The Universe is a figment of its own imagination.
There's no future in time travel.
Tonight's weather: Dark with continued darkness
until dawn.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Smith & Wesson: The original point and
click interface.
Radioactive cats have 18 halflives.
DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.
A day without sunshine is like night.
There are three kinds of people: Those who
can count; those who can't.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading
my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death
twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Death is hereditary.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's
gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains
kept falling out.
Multitasking screwing up several things at
once.
Beat the 5 o'clock rush Leave work at noon!
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder.
Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter
sticking to roof of mouth.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the
dark.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.
A good pun is its own reword.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and
kill them.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers
done.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to
bare arms!
To err is human, to moo bovine.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never
opened, small stain.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend
to accumulate.
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Kurt Cobain Soft Drink: it's extremely bitter
and it has no head.
MicroSloth: "Bringing you ten year old
technology, tomorrow, maybe."
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name
backwards?" Simon: "No Mis"
Why is "abbreviated" such a long
word?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise
my hand.
Mary had a little lamb....and Mulder was determined
to find out why.
There's an exception to every rule, except
this one.
In Dog Years I'm Dead
I am Woman, I am invincible, I am tired
Age and Treachery will always Overcome Youth
and Skill
TEAM EFFORT Is a lot of people doing what
I say
I'm not unemployed, I'm a consultant
SARDARJI
JOKES
User Submitted
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his
university final examination. He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in
a fit of inspiration takes
his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban
and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow. The invigilator,
alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on, "Oye, I am only following
the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following
questions in brief".
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji
are called upon to test a lie detector.The Englishman says."I
think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ goes the lie
detector. "Ok, 10 bottles". And the machine is silent.
The American says. "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ goes the lie detector. "All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
So this Sardarji is walking the other day
and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what
he must be thinking ?? "Saala aaj bhi girna paray ga..." (I'll
have to fall today too!)
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down
to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your
donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?" The Sardarji
replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't
riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing
too."
Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh
was very depressed. "What happened?" asked Surjit. "Yaar,
I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday." "How come ?" "Well,
yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being
shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost
the bet." "But that's only Rs. 500, where did the rest
go?" "Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!"
A Sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I
was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking
up the phone accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my
ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But
.. what happened to your other ear?" "That idiot called
back after sometime"
Q: What do you do when a Sardarji throws a
pin at you?
A: Run like Hell........He's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: What is the Sardarji doing when he holds
his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why do Sardarjis work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What did the Sardarji do when he noticed
that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.
Q: How do you confuse a Sardarji?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How did the Sardarji try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: What do you get when you offer a Sardarji
a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What do you call 10 Sardarjis standing
ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: A Sardarji going to London on a plane,
how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: What do you call a Sardarji in a tree with
a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you see when you look into a Sardarji's
eyes?
A: The back of his head.
Q: What's the difference between a Sardarji
and a Supermarket Trolley?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
A Sardarji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked
if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please.
I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of
forty?
A: A Sardarji parade.
Q: A Sardarji was asked if he believed in
smoking.
A: He said, "Yes, I've seen it done."
Sardarji #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" Sardarji #2: "No,
who wrote it?"
A Sardarji was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that
said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, he said to
himself "Oh well !" and turned around and drove back home.
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just
a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs
up.
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when
someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give
me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder. "The man took the thousand
and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he
was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street
and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees
and I'll go get a ladder. "The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says, "I
am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give
me a green one, please."
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground
control issues commands:
"Rubi!" "Woof!" "Press
the red button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!" "Woof!" "Press
the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop
barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
Sardarji had his 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother:
Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when
both parents are Sikh?" "Aah, I read in a newspaper, it says that
every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
Two Sardarjis are in a railway station. "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" asks
the first. "No," answers the RR man. "Can I?" asks the
second Sardarji.
A passer by notices a Sardarji by the side of a lake, throwing bricks into
the water. So he asks the Sardarji "Why are you throwing bricks in to
the water?" The Sardarji takes a brick and again throws it into the
water and says thoughtfully "See, I've been trying to solve the mystery:
Why are the bricks rectangular and the waves circular?"
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area.
The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. "They
should not put up such misleading notices", said Banta Singh. "It
said, "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
Santa Singh and Banta Singh got fed up with Indian Government and decided to
blow up the Parliament. They put the plastic explosives in the back seat
of their two door Maruti and were off to their mission.
Santa Singh: "Bantaiaaya! what if bomb went off right now?" Banta
Singh "Don't worry! I got a spare bomb in the trunk."
PSYCHOLOGY TEACHER
A new teacher is trying to make use of her
Psychology courses.
She starts her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand
up."
After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am," he says, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."
THE ACCIDENT
A car was involved in an accident. As expected
a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his
story, could not get near the car. Being the clever sort, he started
shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the
son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front
of the car was a donkey.
ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS
Make it idiot proof and someone will make
a better idiot.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what
you've got!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things
get worse.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone
else.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays
off now.
What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all
gifts free?
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending
machine.
Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.
Constant change is here to stay
CAUTION: I drive like you do.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer!
I'm the guy your parents warned you about.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I'm not a complete Idiot, some parts are missing.
Couldn't afford to fix my brakes, so I made
my horn louder.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked
into jet engines.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food
chain to be a vegetarian.
Too close for missiles: Switching to guns.
Don't read while you drive, you'll crash.
No radio, already stolen.
I brake for Tailgaters.
I may be slow but at least I'm ahead of you!
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery
Me a skeptic? I hope you have proof.
Those who can, do. Those who can't hire others
to.
Minds are like Parachutes. They work best
when open.
Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon!
Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
My other mode of transportation is a broom....
I really thought it would make a great gift for my ex mother in
law .
Hang up the Phone and Drive the Car
Life is short. Don't be a dick.
If you're rich, I'm single.
If you don't like my driving, then get off
the sidewalk!
You! Out of the gene pool!
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You
Will Be Assimilated.
Born free... taxed to death.
I'm only driving this way to piss you off.
AJIT JOKES
THE CAST
Boss: Ajit
Rawbert: Assistant
Mona: Darling
Robert: Boss, Sona kahan hai ? (Where is the
Gold?)
Ajit: Kahin par bhi so jao Rawbert, hum to Mona ke saath soyenge!
Rawbert: Boss, I've had twins! Mere dono bachchon ke liye koi naam bataiye...
Ajit: Ek ka naam rakho Peter...
Rawbert: Boss... aur doosre ka?
Ajit: Repeater!
Rawbert: Boss, mera teesra bachcha ho gaya,
uska naam soch ke bataiye.
Ajit: Peter, Repeater ke baad teesre ka naam Chang Lee.
Rawbert: Teesre ka naam "Chang Lee" kyo boss?
Ajit: Silly boy, iss duniya mein paida hone waalaa har teesra bachcha Chinese
hota hai!
Lily: Boss, mere ko twins hoey hain.. dono
ladki ke liye koi naam suggest kijiye.
Ajit: Very simple... ek ka naam rakho Kate...
Lily: Aur doosre ka?
Ajit: Dupli-Kate!
Rawbert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse
jyada pasand hein?
Ajit: Ek Mona, doosra Sona, aur tisra, Mona ke saath sona!
Ajit: Rawbert,is ko microprocessor may daal
do! Bit by bit mar jaayga gaa saala!
Ajit: Rawbert, is ko liquid oxygen may daal
do! Liquid issay jeenay nahi de gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi de
gaa!
Ajit: Rawbert, Diana ko thoda khatta khila
dayna, yeh Diana se dinasour ban ho jayegi, phir extinct bhi ho
jaayegi!
Ajit: Rawbert, isey thodi shampane pila do,
paheley shame sey, phir pane sey mar jayegaa kameena.
Ajit: Mona daarrling, tum Toni ke saath ghuumna
band kar do, nahin to bahut MonaToni ho jayegee!
Ajit: Maikal, ise liquid helium mein daal
ke 440 V pass kar do. Phir yeh superconductor ban jaayega, aur
zindagi bhar ticket kaat-ta reh jaayega!
Maikal: Baaas, yeh aadmi to kuch bol hi nahin
raha hai. Kya karen?
Ajit: Ise revaalving chair mein daal do. Pata chal jaayega chakkar kya hai.
Ajit: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat
do.
Rawbert: Magar kyoon baas?
Ajit: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Rawbert: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe
headache ho raha hai.
Ajit: Abe bewakoof! Head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padega.
Rawbert: Boss, China se Mr.Hu aayee hain.
Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasayenge.
WORLD'S BIGGEST LIST OF DO IT LINES
A KING does it with his official seal
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures
ACCOUNTANTS do it for profit
ACCOUNTANTS do it with balance
ACCOUNTANTS do it with double entry
ACCY MAJORS do it in numbers
ACROPHOBES get down
ACTORS do it in the limelight
ACTORS do it on camera
ACTORS do it on cue
ACTORS do it on stage
ACTORS play around
ACTORS pretend doing it
ACUPUNCTURISTS do it with a small prick
ADA PROGRAMMERS do it by committee
ADA PROGRAMMERS do it in packages
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method
ADVERTISING MAJORS do it with style
AEROBICS INSTRUCTORS do it for the heart
AEROBICS INSTRUCTORS do it in step
AEROBICS INSTRUCTORS do it until it hurts
AEROSPACE ENGINEERS do it with lift and trust
AGENTS do it undercover
AI HACKERS do it artificially
AI HACKERS do it breast first
AI HACKERS do it depth first
AI HACKERS do it robotically
AI HACKERS do it with robots
AI HACKERS do it with rules
AI HACKERS make a big production out of
AI HACKERS make a big production out of it
AI PEOPLE do it with a Lis(ss)p
AIR COURIERS do it all over the world in big jets {a}
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS do it by radar
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS do it in the dark
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS do it with their tongue
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS tell pilots how to do it
AIRLIFTERS penetrate further, linger longer, and drop a bigger load
AIRLINE PILOTS do it at incredible heights
ALEXANDER PORTNOY does it alone
ALGEBRAISTS do it with homomorphisms
ALGOL 68 PROGRAMMERS do it od
ALGOL PROGRAMMERS block it out
ALGORITHMIC ANALYSTS do it with a combinatorial explosion
ALPINISTS do it higher
ALVIN TOFFLER will do it in the future
AM DISC JOCKEYS do it with Modulated Amplitude
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker
AMERICA finds it at Waldenbooks
AMERICANS do it patriotically
ANAESTHETISTS do it until you fall asleep
ANALOG HACKERS do it continuously
ANARCHISTS do it revoltingly
ANESTHETISTS do it painlessly
ANGLERS do it with worms
ANIMATORS do it 24 times a second {b}
ANNOUNCERS broadcast
ANSI does it in the standard way
ANTHROPOLOGISTS do it with culture
APL PROGRAMMERS are functional
APL PROGRAMMERS do it backwards
APL PROGRAMMERS do it in a line
APL PROGRAMMERS do it with stile
APOLOGISTS do it orally
ARCHEOLOGISTS do it with mummies
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old
ARCHERS use longer shafts
ARCHITECTS are responsible for the tallest erections
ARCHITECTS do it late
ARCHITECTS have great plans
ARCHITECTURAL HISTORIANS can tell you who put it up, how big it was and why
it's no longer standing
ARCHITECTURE MAJORS stay up all night
ARLO GUTHRIE does it on his motorcycle
ARMOUR'S guns penitrate further
ARSONIST do it with fire
ART HISTORIANS can tell you who did it, where they did it, what they used and
how they did it, but shudder at the possibility of doing it themselves
ARTILLERYMEN do it with a burst
ARTISTS are exhibitionists
ARTISTS do it by design
ARTISTS do it in the buff
ARTISTS do it with creativity
ARTISTS do it with emotion
ARTISTS do it with flare
ASSASSINS do it from behind
ASSEMBLER PROGRAMMERS do it one-to-one
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over
ASTRONAUTS do it in orbit
ASTRONAUTS do it on the moon
ASTRONAUTS do it while spaced out
ASTRONOMERS can't do it with the lights on
ASTRONOMERS do it all night
ASTRONOMERS do it from light-years away
ASTRONOMERS do it in the dark
ASTRONOMERS do it only at night
ASTRONOMERS do it under the stars
ASTRONOMERS do it whenever they can find a hole in the clouds
ASTRONOMERS do it while gazing at Uranus
ASTRONOMERS do it with all the stars
ASTRONOMERS do it with big bang
ASTRONOMERS do it with heavenly bodies
ASTRONOMERS do it with long tubes
ASTRONOMERS do it with stars
ASTRONOMERS do it with their telescopes
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus
ASTROPHYSICISTS do it with a Big Bang
ASTROPHYSICISTS do it with a big bang
AT&T does it in long lines
ATTORNEYS make better motions
AUDITORS like to examine figures
AUSTRALIANS do it down under
AUTHORS do it by rote
AUTO MAKERS do it with optional equipment
AUTO MAKERS do it with standard equipment
AUTO MECHANICS do it under hoods, using oil and grease
BABIES do it in their pants
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour
BACH did it with the organ
BAILIFFS always come to order
BAKERS do it for the dough
BAKERS knead it daily
BAKERS let it rise
BALLERINAS do it en point
BALLET DANCERS do it on tip-toe
BALLET DANCERS do it with toes
BANANA PICKERS do it in bunches
BANANAS do it in bunches
BAND MEMBERS do it all night
BAND MEMBERS do it in a parade
BAND MEMBERS do it in front of 100,000 people
BAND MEMBERS do it in public
BAND MEMBERS do it in sectionals
BAND MEMBERS do it on the football field
BAND MEMBERS play all night
BANJO PLAYERS pluck with a stiff pick
BANKERS do it for money, but there is a penalty for early withdrawal
BANKERS do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl
BANKERS have bigger assets
BANKERS like big deposits
BAPTISTS do it under water
BARBARIANS do it with anything
BARBERS do it and end up with soaping hair
BARBERS do it with Brylcreem
BARBERS do it with shear pleasure
BARTENDERS do it on the rocks
BASEBALL PLAYERS do it for a lot of money
BASEBALL PLAYERS do it in series
BASEBALL PLAYERS do it in teams
BASEBALL PLAYERS do it with their bats
BASEBALL PLAYERS hit more home runs
BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base
BASIC PROGRAMMERS do it all over the place
BASIC PROGRAMMERS GOTO it
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often
BASS PLAYERS just pluck at
BASSISTS do it with their fingers
BATMAN does it with Robin
BAYSEIANS probably do it
BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey
BEER BREWERS do it with more hops
BEER DRINKERS get more head
BEETHOVEN did it apassionately
BEETHOVEN was the first to do it with a full orchestra
BELL LABS PROGRAMMERS do it with UNIX
BELL-RINGERS pull it themselves
BETA TESTERS do it looking for mistakes
BICYCLISTS do it off the road
BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds
BIKERS do it on wheels
BRIDGE PLAYERS don't need a partner, if they have a good hand.
BIOLOGISTS do it with clones
BIRDS do it, bees do it, even chimpanzees do
BLONDES do it with a thermos {c}
BO JACKSON knows doing it
BOARDHEADS do it with stiff masts
BODYBUILDERS pump it up
BODYBUILDERS do it with muscle
BOOKKEEPERS are well balanced
BOOKKEEPERS do it for the record
BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry
BOOKWORMS only read about it
BOSSES delegate the task to others
BOUNCERS have more ejections
BOWLERS do it in the alley
BOWLERS have bigger balls
BOXERS do it with fists
BOY SCOUTS do it in the woods
BRIAN does it conservatively
BRIAN heads the Conservative Party
BRICKLAYERS lay all day
BRIDGE PLAYERS do it with finesse
BRIDGE PLAYERS don't need a partner, if they have a good hand
BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber
BUDDHISTS imagine doing it
BUILDING INSPECTORS do it under the table
BURGLARS do it without protection
BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time
BUS DRIVERS do it in transit
BUSINESSMEN screw you the best they can
BUTCHERS have better meat
C PROGRAMMERS continue it
C PROGRAMMERS SWITCH and then BREAK it
C PROGRAMMERS SWITCH often
C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with class
C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with private members and public objects
C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with their friends, in private
CADAVERS do it stiffly
CADAVERS do it six feet under
CADAVERS do it under wraps
CADAVERS do it with their eyes closed
CALCULUS MAJORS do it in increments
CALCULUS STUDENTS do it by parts
CALIFORNIANS do it laid back
CAMPERS do it in a tent
CANADIANS do it bilingually
CANADIANS do it in English and French
CAR CUSTOMISERS do it with a hot rod
CAR MECHANICS jack it
CARDIOLOGISTS do it halfheartedly
CARDIOLOGISTS do it lightheartedly
CARPENTERS do it tongue-in-groove
CARPENTERS hammer it harder
CARPENTERS nail harder
CARPET FITTERS do it on their knees
CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor
CARTOONISTS do it with just a few good strokes
CATHOLICS do it a lot
CATHOLICS talk about it afterwards
CAVALIERS do it mounted
CAVERS do it in the mud
CBers do it on the air
CELLISTS give better hand jobs
CHARLES does it royally
CHEERLEADERS do it enthusiastically
CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm
CHEFS do it for dessert
CHEFS do it in the kitchen
CHEFS do it with spice
CHEMICAL ENGINEERS do it in packed beds
CHEMICAL ENGINEERS do it under a fume hood
CHEMISTS do it in an excited state
CHEMISTS do it in test tubes
CHEMISTS do it in the fume hood
CHEMISTS do it periodically on table
CHEMISTS do it reactively
CHEMISTS like to experiment
CHESS PLAYERS check their mates
CHESS PLAYERS do it in their minds
CHESS PLAYERS do it with knights/kings/queens/bishops/mates
CHESS PLAYERS mate better
CHESS PLAYERS make better mates
CHIEFS do it with tradition
CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation
CHIROPRACTORS do it, but they X-ray it first
CHOIR BOYS do it unaccompanied
CIRCUIT DESIGNERS have a very low rise time
CIRCUIT DESIGNERS offer VLSI {d}
CITY PLANNERS do it with their eyes shut
CITY STREET REPAIRMEN do it with three supervisors watching
CIVIL ENGINEERS do it by reinforcing it
CIVIL ENGINEERS do it in the dirt
CIVIL ENGINEERS do it with an erection
CLERICS do it with their gods
CLIMBERS do it in harnesses
CLIMBERS do it on rope
CLIMBERS do it up thin cracks
CLIMBERS do it with dangling nuts {e}
CLIMBERS do it with their friends
CLIMBERS do it with their hands
CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically
CLOWNS do it for laughs
CLUSTER ANALYSTS do it in groups
COACHES whistle while they work
COBOL HACKERS do it by committee
COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it very slow
COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs
COCKROACHES have done it for millions of years, without apparent ill-effects
COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs
COLLECTORS do it in sets
COLONEL SANDERS does it, and then licks his fingers
COLONEL SANDERS does it, then licks his fingers
COMEDIANS do it for laughs
COMMANDO'S do it for the insertion
COMMODITIES TRADERS do it in the pits
COMMUNICATIONS ENGINEERS do it 'til it Hertz
COMMUNICATORS do it long distance
COMMUNICATORS talk about it
COMMUNISTS do it without class
COMPLEXITY FREAKS do it with minimum space
COMPOSERS do it by numbers
COMPOSERS do it with a quill and a staff
COMPOSERS do it with entire orchestras
COMPOSERS leave it unfinished
COMPUTER ENGINEERS do it with minimum delay
COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop
COMPUTER NERDS just simulate it
COMPUTER OPERATORS do it upon mount requests
COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software
COMPUTER OPERATORS peek before they poke
COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS do it bit by bit
COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS do it interactively
COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS do it logically
COMPUTER SCIENCE students do it with hard drives
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS do it bit by bit
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS do it on command
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS simulate doing it
COMPUTERS do it in ASCII, except IBM's which use EBCDIC
CONDUCTORS do it rhythmically
CONDUCTORS do it with the orchestras
CONDUCTORS wave it up and down
CONFECTIONERS do it sweetly
CONGREGATIONALISTS do it in groups
CONGRESSMEN do it in the House
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS do it higher
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation
CONSULTANTS tell others how to do it
COOKS do it with grease and a lot of heat
COOKS do it with oil, sugar and salt
COPIER REPAIRMEN do it with duplicity
COPS do it arrestingly
COPS do it at gun-point
COPS do it by the book
COPS do it with cuffs
COPS do it with electric rods
COPS do it with nightsticks
COPS have bigger guns
COWBOYS handle anything horny
COWGIRLS like to ride bareback
COWS do it in leather
CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls
CREDIT MANAGERS always collect
CROSS-WORD PLAYERS do it crossly
CROSSCOUNTRY RUNNERS do it in open fields
CRYONICISTS stay stiff longer
CRYPTOGRAPHERS do it secretly
CS111 STUDENTS do it in binary
CS111 STUDENTS do it with interspersed comments
CS111 STUDENTS do it with ORGs
CUCKOOS do it by proxy
DAN QUAYLE does it in the dark
DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds
DANCERS do it on the floor
DANCERS do it to music
DANCERS do it with grace
DANCERS do it with their high heels on
DARK HORSES do it come-from-behind
DATA PROCESSORS do it in batches
DB PEOPLE do it with persistence
DEADHEADS do it with Jerry
DEBATORS do it in their briefs
DEEP-SEA DIVERS do it under extreme pressure
DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck
DELIVERY MEN do it at the rear entrance
DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES do it and make you pay for it later
DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES do it underwater
DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES do it until they can't remember
DEMOLITIONS EXPERTS do it till they explode
DEMONSTRATERS do it on the street
DENTAL HYGENISTS do it till it hurts
DENTISTS do it in your mouth
DENTISTS do it orally
DENTISTS do it prophylactically
DENTISTS do it with drills and on chairs
DENTISTS do it with filling
DEPROGRAMMERS do it with sects
DETECTIVES do it under cover
DIETICIANS eat better
DIGITAL HACKERS do it off and on
DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack
DISCOVER (TM) gives you cash back
DISPATCHERS do it with frequency
DITCH DIGGERS do it in a damp hole
DIVERS do it deeper
DIVERS do it for a score
DIVERS do it underwater
DIVERS do it with a twist
DJs do it on request
DJs do it on the air
DOCTORS do it in the OR
DOCTORS do it with injection
DOCTORS do it with patience
DOCTORS do it with pills
DOCTORS prescribe it
DOCTORS take two aspirin and do it in the morning
DOMINOS does it in 30 minutes or less
DON'T do it with a BANKER; most of them are tellers
DONERS do it for life {f}
DRAMA STUDENTS do it for applause
DRAMA STUDENTS do it with an audience
DRIVERS do it with their cars
DRUGGISTS fill your prescription
DRUIDS do it in the bushes
DRUIDS do it naturally
DRUIDS do it with animals
DRUIDS leave no trace
DRUMMERS always have hard sticks
DRUMMERS beat it
DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time
DRUMMERS do it longer
DRUMMERS do it louder
DRUMMERS do it with a better beat
DRUMMERS do it with both hands and feet
DRUMMERS do it with great rhythm
DRUMMERS do it with rhythm
DRUMMERS do it with their wrists
DRUMMERS have faster hands
DRUMMERS pound it
DRUNKS do it all over their shoes.
DRYWALLERS are better bangers
DUNGEON MASTERS do it any way they feel like
DUNGEON MASTERS do it anywhere they damn well please
DUNGEON MASTERS do it behind a screen
DUNGEON MASTERS do it in ways contrary to the laws of physics
DUNGEON MASTERS do it to you real good
DUNGEON MASTERS do it whether you like it or not
DUNGEON MASTERS do it with dice
DUNGEON MASTERS have better encounters
DYSLEXIC PARTICLE PHYSICISTS do it with hadrons
ECONOMISTS do it at bliss point
ECONOMISTS do it cyclically
ECONOMISTS do it in an Edgeworth Box
ECONOMISTS do it on demand
ECONOMISTS do it with a dual
ECONOMISTS do it with an atomistic competitor
ECONOMISTS do it with interest
EE CUMMINGS does it with ease
ELECTRICAL EDUCATION MAJORS teach it by example
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS are shocked when they do it
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS do it on an impulse
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS do it with faster rise time
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS do it with large capacities
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS do it with less resistance
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS do it with more frequency and less resistance
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS do it with more power and at higher frequency
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS do it with super position
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS do it without shorts
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS resonate until it hertz
ELECTRICIAN undo your shorts for you
ELECTRICIANS are qualified to remove your shorts
ELECTRICIANS check your shorts
ELECTRICIANS do it in their shorts
ELECTRICIANS do it just to plug it in
ELECTRICIANS do it until it Hertz
ELECTRICIANS do it with 'no shorts'
ELECTRICIANS do it with spark
ELECTROCHEMISTS have greater potential
ELECTRONICS TECHNICIANS do it in a solid-state
ELEVATOR men do it up and down
ELVES do it in fairy rings
EMPLOYERS do it to employees
EMT's do it in ambulances
ENGINEERS are erectionist perfectionists
ENGINEERS charge by the hour
ENGINEERS do it any way they can
ENGINEERS do it at calculated angles
ENGINEERS do it in Mudd
ENGINEERS do it in practice
ENGINEERS do it precisely
ENGINEERS do it roughly
ENGINEERS do it to a first order approximation
ENGINEERS do it with less energy and greater efficiency
ENGINEERS do it with precision
ENGINEERS do it with a right-handed coordinate system {g}
ENGINEERS simply neglect it
ENGLISH MAJORS do it with an accent
ENGLISH MAJORS do it with style
ENTOMOLOGISTS do it with insects
ENTREPRENEURS do it with creativity and originality
ENTYMOLOGISTS do it with bugs
ENVIRONMENTALIST do it until it is green
ENVIRONMENTALIST recycle it
EQUESTRIANS do it in leather
EVANGALISTS do it with HIM watching
EXECUTIVES do it in briefs
EXECUTIVES do it in three piece suits
EXECUTIVES have large staffs
EXISTENTIALISTS do it alone
FACTOR ANALYSTS rotate their principal components
FAITH HEALERS do it with whatever they can lay their hands on
FANTASY ROLEPLAYERS do it all night
FANTASY ROLEPLAYERS do it all weekend
FANTASY ROLEPLAYERS do it in a dungeon
FANTASY ROLEPLAYERS do it in a group
FARMERS do it all over the countryside
FARMERS do it in the dirt
FARMERS do it on a corn field
FARMERS plant it deep
FARMERS spread it around
FEDERAL EXPRESS COURIERS will absolutely, positively do it overnight
FEDERAL EXPRESS EMPLOYEES do it overnight
FENCERS do it in a full lunge
FENCERS do it in the fleche {h}
FENCERS do it with a thrust
FENCERS do it with three feet of sword
FETUSES do it in-vitro
FIGHTER PILOTS do it at incredable speeds
FINANCE PROFESSORS don't do it at all; apparently
FIREMEN are always in heat
FIREMEN do it wearing rubber
FIREMEN do it with a big hose
FIREMEN do it with a lot of heat
FIREMEN find `em hot, and leave `em wet
FIREMEN have bigger hoses
FISHERMEN are proud of their rods
FISHERMEN do it for reel
FLAGPOLE SITTERS do it in the air
FLAUTISTS blow crosswise
FLYERS do it in the air
FLYERS do it on top, upside down, or rolling
FM DISC JOCKEYS do it in stereo and with high fidelity
FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard
FOOTBALL PLAYERS do it offensively/defensively
FORESTERS do it in trees
FORGERS do it hot
FORMULA ONE RACERS come too fast and in laps
FORTH PROGRAMMERS do it from behind
FORTRAN PROGRAMMERS do it with SOAP
FORTRAN PROGRAMMERS just DO it
FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush
FRANK SINATRA does it his way
FRATERNITY MEN do it with their little sisters
FRUSTRATED HACKERS use self-modifying infinite perversion
FURRIERS appreciate good beaver
FUZZY THEORISTS both do it and don't do it
GAMBLERS do it on a hunch
GAMBLERS do it with a kidde (kitty)
GAME WARDENS do it with animal instinct
GAMERS do it by the rules
GARBAGEMEN come once a week
GARDENERS do it by trimming your bush
GARDENERS do it in bed
GARDENERS do it on the bushes
GARDENERS do it twice a year and then mulch it
GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses
GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day
GENERALS have something to do with the stars
GENETISTS do it with sick genes
GEOGRAPHERS do it everywhere
GEOGRAPHERS do it globally
GEOLOGISTS are great explorers
GEOLOGISTS do it eruptively, with glow, and always smoke afterwards
GEOLOGISTS do it in folded beds
GEOLOGISTS do it to get their rocks off
GEOLOGISTS know how to make the bedrock
GEOMETERS do it constructively
GEORGE did it in the Bush
GEORGE did it with a Bush in hand
GERALD FORD does it on his face
GNOMES are too short to do it
GNU PROGRAMMERS do it for free and they don't give a damn about look & feel
GOLF PLAYERS always sink their putts
GOLFERS do it in 18 holes
GRADUATES do it by degrees
GRAVEDIGGERS die to do it
GREEKS do it with their brothers and sisters
GREYHOUND DRIVERS do it with fewer stops
GUITAR PLAYERS do it with a G-string
GUITAR PLAYERS had their licks
GUITAR PLAYERS have their pick
GUITARISTS strum it with their pick
GYMNASTS do it with grace
GYMNASTS mount and dismount well
GYNEACOLOGISTS mostly sniff, watch and finger
HACKERS appreciate virtual dresses
HACKERS are I/O experts
HACKERS avoid deadly embrace
HACKERS discover the powers of two
HACKERS do it a little bit
HACKERS do it absolutely
HACKERS do it all night
HACKERS do it at link time
HACKERS do it attached
HACKERS do it automatically
HACKERS do it bottom up
HACKERS do it bug-free
HACKERS do it by the numbers
HACKERS do it concurrently
HACKERS do it conditionally
HACKERS do it detached
HACKERS do it digitally
HACKERS do it discretely
HACKERS do it during downtime
HACKERS do it during PM
HACKERS do it efficiently
HACKERS do it faster
HACKERS do it forever even when they're not supposed to
HACKERS do it globally
HACKERS do it graphically
HACKERS do it immediately
HACKERS do it in a HRRI
HACKERS do it in batches
HACKERS do it in dumps
HACKERS do it in less space
HACKERS do it in libraries
HACKERS do it in loops
HACKERS do it in O(n log n)
HACKERS do it in parallel
HACKERS do it in SEXTRAN
HACKERS do it in stacks
HACKERS do it in the microcode
HACKERS do it in the software
HACKERS do it in trees
HACKERS do it in two states
HACKERS do it indirectly
HACKERS do it interactively
HACKERS do it iteratively
HACKERS do it loaded
HACKERS do it locally
HACKERS do it randomly
HACKERS do it recursively
HACKERS do it reentrantly
HACKERS do it relocatably
HACKERS do it sequentially
HACKERS do it synchronously
HACKERS do it top down
HACKERS do it with all sorts of characters
HACKERS do it with bugs
HACKERS do it with computers
HACKERS do it with DDT
HACKERS do it with demons
HACKERS do it with editors
HACKERS do it with fewer instructions
HACKERS do it with high priority
HACKERS do it with insertion sorts
HACKERS do it with interrupts
HACKERS do it with key strokes
HACKERS do it with open windows
HACKERS do it with phantoms
HACKERS do it with quick sorts
HACKERS do it with recursive descent
HACKERS do it with side effects
HACKERS do it with simultaneous access
HACKERS do it with slaves
HACKERS do it with their fingers
HACKERS do it with words
HACKERS do it without a net
HACKERS do it without arguments
HACKERS do it without detaching
HACKERS do it without proof of termination
HACKERS do it without protection
HACKERS do it without you even knowing it
HACKERS don't do it -- they're hacking all the time
HACKERS get off on tight loops
HACKERS get overlaid
HACKERS have better software tools
HACKERS have faster access routines
HACKERS have good hardware
HACKERS have high bawd rates
HACKERS have high bod rates
HACKERS have it where it counts
HACKERS have response time
HACKERS know all the right MOVs
HACKERS know what to diddle
HACKERS make it quick
HACKERS multiply with stars
HACKERS stay logged in longer
HACKERS stay up longer
HACKERS take big bytes
HAIR STYLISTS are shear pleasure
HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs
HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency
HAM RADIO OPERATORS do it till their GigaHertz
HAM RADIO OPERATORS do it with higher frequency
HAM RADIO OPERATORS do it with more frequency
HANDYMEN do it with whatever is available
HANDYMEN like good screws
HANDYMEN like to pound it in
HANG-GLIDERS do it in the air
HARDWARE buffs do it in nanoseconds
HARDWARE designers' performance is hardware dependant
HARDWARE HACKERS are a charge
HARDWARE HACKERS do it closely coupled
HARDWARE HACKERS do it electrically
HARDWARE HACKERS do it intermittently
HARDWARE HACKERS do it noisily
HARDWARE HACKERS do it on a bus
HARDWARE HACKERS do it over a wide temperature range
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with AC and DC
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with bus drivers
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with charge
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with connections
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with emitter-coupled logic
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with female banana plugs
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with male connectors
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with maximum ratings
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with power
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with resistance
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with transceivers
HARDWARE HACKERS do it with uncommon emitters into open collectors
HARDWARE HACKERS have faster rise times
HARDWARE HACKERS have sensitive probes
HARDWARE HACKERS like to finger the mainframe
HARPISTS do it by pulling strings
HAWAIIANS do it volcanicly
HEADQUARTERS controls it
HEADQUARTERS knows nothing about it
HEDGEHOGS do it cautiously
HEINZ does it with great relish
HELICOPTER PILOTS do it while hovering
HELICOPTER PILOTS do it with autorotation
HERC PILOTS deliver bigger loads
HERMITS do it alone
HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision
HIKERS do it naturally
HISTORIANS did it
HISTORIANS do it for prosperity
HISTORIANS do it over long periods of time
HISTORIANS study who did it
HOBBITS do it only if it isn't dangerous
HOCKEY PLAYERS do it in 90 minutes
HOCKEY PLAYERS do it on the ice
HOCKEY PLAYERS do it with a snap-shot
HOCKEY PLAYERS do it with their sticks
HOCKEY PLAYERS do it; so what?
HOCKEY PLAYERS like to puck
HOCKEY PLAYERS use hard sticks
HORN PLAYERS do it French style
HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer
HUNTERS do it in the bush
HUNTERS do it with a bang
HUNTERS do it with a big gun
HUNTERS eat what they shoot
HUNTERS go deeper into the bush
HURDLERS do it every 10 meters
HYDROGEOLOGISTS do it till they're all wet
HYPERTRICHOLOGISTS do it with intensity
HYPNOTISTS do it on the count of three
I just do it
I/O HACKERS do it without interrupt
I/O HACKERS have to condition their device first
ILLUSIONISTS fake it
ILLUSIONISTS only look like they're doing it
INDIVIDUALIST does it with himself
INDUCTORS dissipate after doing it
INFANTRYMEN are ordered to do it
INFANTRYMEN do it in the trench
INFECTIOUS DISEASE RESEARCHERS do it with breeding and culture
INFORMATION THEORISTS analyze it with Wiener filters
INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers
INTELLIGENCE knows nothing about it
INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house
INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS MAJORS do it with diplomacy
INTERPRETERS do it manually and orally
INTROVERTS do it alone
INVENTORS find a way to do it
INVESTMENT ANALYSTS do it with security
IRS does it everywhere
IRS does it to everyone
ITALIANS do it better {i}
JANITORS clean up afterwards
JANITORS do it with a plunger
JEDI KNIGHTS do it forcefully
JEWELLERS mount real gems
JEWS worry about doing it
JOCKEYS do it at the gate
JOCKEYS do it on the horse-back
JOCKEYS do it with their horses
JOCKEYS do it with whips and saddles
JOGGERS do it on the run
JUDGES do it in chambers
JUDGES do it with better rulings
JUDGES watch it and give scores
JUGGLERS do it in a flash
JUGGLERS do it with more balls
JUGGLERS do it with their balls in the air
KAYAKERS do it, roll over, and do it again
KEYBOARDISTS use all their fingers
KEYBOARDISTS use both their hands on one organ
KORFBALL PLAYERS do it with the other sex
LANDLORDS do it every month
LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper
LASER PRINTERS do it without making an impression
LAWYERS do it in their briefs
LAWYERS do it on a table
LAWYERS do it on a trial basis
LAWYERS do it to you
LAWYERS do it with appeal
LAWYERS do it with clause
LAWYERS do it with extensions in their briefs
LAWYERS do it, which is a great pity
LAWYERS lie about doing it and charge you for believing them
LAWYERS would do it but for 'hung jury'
LEFT HANDERS do it right
LIBRARIANS do it by the book
LIBRARIANS do it on the shelfs
LIBRARIANS do it quietly
LIFEGUARDS do it on the beach
LINEMEN do it with big cables
LINEMEN pull their wires
LINGUISTS do it with their tongues
LIONS do it with pride
LISP HACKERS are thweet
LISP HACKERS do it in lambda functions
LISP HACKERS do it with rplacd
LISP PROGRAMMERS do it by recursion
LISP PROGRAMMERS do it without unexpected side effects
LISP PROGRAMMERS have to stop and collect garbage
LOADMASTER 'chute bigger loads
LOANS OFFICERS do it with security
LOCKSMITHS can get into anything
LOGIC PROGRAMMERS do it with unification/resolution
LOGICIANS do it consistently and completely
LOGICIANS do it or they do not do it
LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer
LONG JUMPERS do it with a running start
LONG-DISTANCE RUNNERS do it on a predetermined route
LOTS HACKERS do it sloooooooowwwwwwwwllllllllyyyyyyyy
LOUISIANANS do it differently {j}
MAC PROGRAMMERS do it in windows
MAC USERS do it with mice
MAC USERS don't do it, they just point and click on the genital icon
MACHINE CODERS do it in bytes
MACHINE LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS do it very fast
MACHINISTS do it with screw drivers
MACHINISTS drill often
MACHINISTS make the best screws
MAGES do it with their familiars
MAGIC USERS do it with their hands
MAGIC USERS have crystal balls
MAGIC USERS have magic wands
MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye
MAGICIANS do it with mirrors
MAGICIANS do it with rabbits
MAILMEN do it at the mail boxes
MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet
MALINGERERS do it as long as they can't get out of it
MANAGERS do it by delegation
MANAGERS have someone do it for them
MANAGERS make others do it
MANAGERS supervise others
MARINES do it on land, sea or air
MARKETING REPs do it on comission
MARRIED PEOPLE do it with frozen access
MASONS do it secretively
MATCH MAKERS do it with singles
MATCH MAKERS do it with sticks
MATH MAJORS do it by example
MATH MAJORS do it by induction
MATH MAJORS do it with a pencil
MATHEMATICIANS do it as a finite sum of an infinite series
MATHEMATICIANS do it as continuous function
MATHEMATICIANS do it associatively
MATHEMATICIANS do it commutatively
MATHEMATICIANS do it constantly
MATHEMATICIANS do it continuously
MATHEMATICIANS do it discretely
MATHEMATICIANS do it exponentially
MATHEMATICIANS do it forever if they can do one and can do one more
MATHEMATICIANS do it functionally
MATHEMATICIANS do it homologically
MATHEMATICIANS do it in fields
MATHEMATICIANS do it in groups
MATHEMATICIANS do it in imaginary domain
MATHEMATICIANS do it in imaginary planes
MATHEMATICIANS do it in numbers
MATHEMATICIANS do it in theory
MATHEMATICIANS do it on smooth contours
MATHEMATICIANS do it over and under the curves
MATHEMATICIANS do it parallel and perpendicular
MATHEMATICIANS do it partially
MATHEMATICIANS do it rationally
MATHEMATICIANS do it reflexively
MATHEMATICIANS do it symmetrically
MATHEMATICIANS do it to prove themselves
MATHEMATICIANS do it to their limits
MATHEMATICIANS do it totally
MATHEMATICIANS do it transcendentally
MATHEMATICIANS do it transitively
MATHEMATICIANS do it variably
MATHEMATICIANS do it with a Minkowski sausage
MATHEMATICIANS do it with imaginary parts
MATHEMATICIANS do it with linear pairs
MATHEMATICIANS do it with Nobel's wife
MATHEMATICIANS do it with odd functions
MATHEMATICIANS do it with prime roots
MATHEMATICIANS do it with relations
MATHEMATICIANS do it with rings
MATHEMATICIANS do it with their real parts
MATHEMATICIANS do it without limit
MATHEMATICIANS do over an open unmeasurable interval
MATHEMATICIANS have to prove they did it
MATHEMATICIANS prove they did it
MATHEMATICIANS take it to the limit
MDs only do it if you have appropriate insurance
MECHANICAL ENGINEERING MAJORS do it in gear
MECHANICAL ENGINEERS do it automatically
MECHANICAL ENGINEERS do it with fluid dynamics
MECHANICAL ENGINEERS do it with stress and strain
MECHANICS do it from underneath
MECHANICS do it on their backs
MECHANICS do it with oils
MECHANICS do it with their tools
MECHANICS have to jack it up and then do it
MEDICAL RESEARCHERS do it with a mice
MEDICAL RESEARCHERS make mice do it first
MEDICS do it in an orderly fashion
MEDIEVALISTS do it with fake, fluffy weapons
MERCHANTS do it to customers
MERMAIDS can't do it
METALLURGISTS are screw'n edge
METALLURGISTS do it in the street
METEOROLOGISTS do it at all levels
METEOROLOGISTS do it unpredictably
METEOROLOGISTS do it with forecasts
METHODISTS do it by numbers
MILITARY TRUCKERS do it bigger, faster and further
MILITARY TRUCKERS move bigger loads
MILITARY cooks eat it
MILKMEN deliver twice a week
MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done
MILTON BERLE does it in his BVDs
MIMES do it without a sound
MIMES don't do it; everyone hates a mime
MINERS do it deeper than divers
MINERS sink deeper shafts
MINISTERS do it on Sundays
MINISTERS do it vicariously
MISSILE ENGINEERS do it in stages
MISSILEMEN have better thrust
MOBIUS STRIPPERS never show you their back side
MODELS do it beautifully
MODELS do it in any position
MODELS do it with all kinds of fancy dresses on
MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters
MOLECULAR BIOLOGISTS do it with hot probes
MONKS do it by hand
MOONIES do it within sects
MORTICIANS do it gravely
MOTHERS do it with their children
MOTORCYCLISTS do it between cars
MOTORCYCLISTS do it in sidecars
MOTORCYCLISTS do it two-up
MOTORCYCLISTS do it while leaning
MOTORCYCLISTS do it with spread legs
MOTORCYCLISTS like it with chains
MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs
MOTORCYCLISTS need a sidestand
MOTOXERS do it in the dirt
MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS do it on the rocks
MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS do it till they drop
MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS do it with ropes
MOVIE STARS do it on film
MUDDERS do it over the InterNet
MULTITASKERS do it everywhere: concurrently
MUSIC HACKERS do it at 3 am
MUSIC HACKERS do it audibly
MUSIC HACKERS do it in concert
MUSIC HACKERS do it in scores
MUSIC HACKERS do it with more movements
MUSIC HACKERS do it with their organs
MUSIC HACKERS want to do it in realtime
MUSIC MAJORS do it in a chord
MUSICIANS do it on a higher scale
MUSICIANS do it in the practice room
MUSICIANS do it rhythmically
MUSICIANS do it with rhythm
NATIVE AMAZONIANS do it with poison tips down along narrow tubes from an amazing
distance
NATIVE AMERICANS do it with reservations
NAVIGATORS can show you the way
NECROPHILIACS do it cryptically
NECROPHILIACS do it until they are dead tired
NERDS do it in Rot13
NETWORK HACKERS know how to communicate
NETWORK MANAGERS do it in many places at once
NEW USERS do it after reading the helpfile
NEW USERS do it after receiving advice
NEW YORKERS do it in a jam
NEWSPAPER BOYS do it in front of every door
NIKE just does it
NON-SMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing
NOVICES do it with instructions
NUCLEAR ENGINEERS do it hotter than anything else
NUKES do it with more power
NUMBER THEORISTS do it "69"
NUNS do it out of habit
NURSES call the shots
NURSES do it painless
NURSES do it with care
NURSES do it with intensive care
NURSES do it with TLC
OARSMEN stroke till it hurts
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE PEOPLE do it habitually
OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under
OPERATIONS does it with precise execution
OPERATOR does it automatically
OPERATOR does it in the CTY
OPERATORS do it person-to-person
OPERATORS mount everything
OPERATORS really know how to mount it
OPTIMISTS do it without a doubt
OPTOMETRISTS do it eyeball-to-eyeball, since they always see eye-to-eye
OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face
ORGANISTS do it with both hands and both feet
ORGANISTS pull out all the stops and do it with their feet
ORIENTEERS do it in the woods
ORTHODONTISTS do it with braces
OS PEOPLE would do it if only they didn't 'deadlock'
OSTEOPATHS do it until you feel no pain
PACIFIC NORTHWEST hackers do it with n loggin' sorts
PADRES preach it
PAINTERS do it out in the field with brightly coloured sticky substances
PAINTERS do it with longer strokes
PALADINS do it good or not at all
PALADINS don't do it
PANTOMIMISTS do it silently
PARAMEDICS can revive anything
PARATROOPERS do it by vertical insertion
PARTICLE PHYSICISTS do it energetically
PARTICLE PHYSICISTS to it with *charm*
PASCAL PROGRAMMERS REPEAT it
PASCAL USERS do it with runtime support
PASTORS do it with SPIRIT
PATHOLOGISTS do it with corpses
PATIENTS do it in bed, sometimes with great pain
PEDIATRICIANS do it with children
PERFECTIONISTS do it better
PERVERTED HACKERS do it with POPs
PESSIMISTS can't do it
PESSIMISTS do it with a sigh
PHARMACISTS do it with side effects
PHARMACOLOGISTS do it by prescription
PHARMACOLOGISTS do it via the oral route
PHARMACOLOGISTS do it with affinity
PHILOSOPHERS do it for pure reasons
PHILOSOPHERS do it in their minds
PHILOSOPHERS do it with their minds
PHILOSOPHERS go deep
PHILOSOPHERS think about doing it
PHILOSOPHERS think they do it
PHILOSOPHERS wonder why they did it
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it at 68 degrees or not at all
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it fisheyed
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it in the dark
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it while exposing
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with "Enlargers" {k}
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a zoom
PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with their subjects
PHONE OPERATORS let their fingers do the walking
PHOTOTHERAPISTS do it with the lights on
PHYSICISTS do it a quantum at a time
PHYSICISTS do it at the speed of light
PHYSICISTS do it at two places in the universe at one time
PHYSICISTS do it attractively
PHYSICISTS do it energetically
PHYSICISTS do it in black holes
PHYSICISTS do it in waves
PHYSICISTS do it like Einstein
PHYSICISTS do it magnetically
PHYSICISTS do it on accelerated frames
PHYSICISTS do it particularly
PHYSICISTS do it repulsively
PHYSICISTS do it strangely
PHYSICISTS do it with black bodies
PHYSICISTS do it with Charm
PHYSICISTS do it with large expensive machinery
PHYSICISTS do it with rigid bodies
PHYSICISTS do it with Tensors
PHYSICISTS do it with the help of an absolute Bohr
PHYSICISTS do it with their vectors
PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion
PHYSICISTS get a big bang
PHYSICS MAJORS do it at the speed of light
PIANO PLAYERS have faster fingers
PIANO STUDENTS learn on their teachers' instruments
PILOTS do it higher
PILOTS do it in the cockpit
PILOTS do it on the wing
PILOTS do it to get high
PILOTS do it with flare {l}
PILOTS keep it up longer
PILOTS stay up longer
PING-PONG PLAYERS always smash balls
PIRATES do it with stumps
PIRATES do it with attitude ;)
PIZZA DELIVERY BOYS come in 30 minutes, or it's free
PLASMA PHYSICISTS do it with everything stripped off
PLASTERERS to it hard
PLAYERS do it in a team
PLUMBERS do it under the sink
PLUMBERS do it with plumber's friends
PLUS PROGRAMMERS cycle forever, until you make them exit
PODIATRISTS do it with someone else's feet
POKER PLAYERS do it with their own hand
POLAROID does it in one step
POLAROID does it in seconds
POLE VAULTERS do it with long flexible instruments
POLICEMEN come when you dial 911
POLICEMEN like big busts
POLICEMEN never cop out
POLITICIANS bicker about it
POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-elected
POLITICIANS do it to everyone
POLITICIANS do it to make the headlines
POLITICIANS do it, but they stay in too long and make you pay for it afterwards
POLYMER CHEMISTS do it in chains
POOL CLEANERS do it wet
POPES do it in the woods
POST OFFICE WORKERS do it overnight, guaranteed for $8.90
POSTMEN are first class males
POSTMEN come slower
POSTMEN fill lots of boxes
PRESBYTERIANS do it decently and in order
PRINCE CHARLES does it in succession
PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets
PRINTERS reproduce the fastest
PROBATE LAWYERS do it willingly
PROCRASTINATORS do it later
PROCRASTINATORS will do it tomorrow
PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end
PROCTOLOGISTS do it with a finger up where the sun don't shine
PROFESSORS do it by the book
PROFESSORS do it from a grant
PROFESSORS do it with class
PROFESSORS don't do it; they leave it as an exercise for their students
PROFESSORS forget to do it
PROGRAMMERS cycle forever, until you make them exit
PROGRAMMERS do it all night
PROGRAMMERS do it bottom-up
PROGRAMMERS do it by pushing and popping
PROGRAMMERS do it in higher levels
PROGRAMMERS do it in loops
PROGRAMMERS do it in software
PROGRAMMERS do it on command
PROGRAMMERS do it top down
PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs
PROGRAMMERS do it with disks
PROGRAMMERS have: Bigger disks
PROGRAMMERS peek before they poke
PROGRAMMERS repeat it until done
PROGRAMMERS will do it all night, but only if you are debugged
PROLOG PROGRAMMERS are a cut above the rest
PROMISCUOUS HACKERS share resources
PROSTITUTES do it at illegal addresses
PROSTITUTES do it for profit
PROTESTANTS do it unwillingly
PSYCHIATRISTS do it for at least fifty dollars per session
PSYCHIATRISTS do it on the couch
PSYCHOLOGISTS do it with rats
PSYCHOLOGISTS think they do it
PUBLIC SPEAKERS do it orally
PYROTECHNICIANS do it with flare
PYROTECHNICIANS experts do it with a blinding flash
QUAKERS do it quietly
QUALITATIVE RESEARCHERS know what they're looking for {m}
QUANTUM MECHANICS do it in leaps
QUANTUM PHYSICIST do it on time
RACERS do it with their horses
RACERS like to come in first
RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall
RADIO AMATEURS do it with more frequency
RADIO AMATEURS do it with two meters {n}
RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it
RADIO ENGINEERS do it till it MegaHertz
RADIO ENGINEERS do it with frequency
RADIOCASTERS do it in the air
RADIOLOGISTS do it with high frequency
RADIOLOGISTS X-ray it
RAFTERS do it rapidly
RAILROADERS do it on track
RALLY DRIVERS do it sideways
RANGERS do it in the woods
RAPPERS pump it up
RAQUETBALL PLAYERS do it with blue balls
REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots
RECYCLERS do it again and again and again
REPELLERS do it with ropes
REPORTERS do it daily
REPORTERS do it for a story
REPORTERS do it for the sensation it causes
REPUBLICANS do as their lobbyists tell them to
REPUBLICANS do it to poor people
RESEARCH PROFESSORS do it only if they get grants
RESEARCHERS are still looking for it
RESEARCHERS do it with control
RETAILERS move their merchandise
RISC ASSEMBLY PROGRAMMERS do it 1073741824 times a second
ROBOTS do it mechanically
ROCKET SCIENTISTS do it with higher thrust
ROCKET SCIENTISTS do it with thrust
ROLLER-SKATERS like to roll around
ROLLING STONES MAGAZINE does it where they rock
ROOFERS do it on top
ROOSTERS do it coquettishly
ROYAL GUARDS do it in uniforms
RUGBY PLAYERS do it with leather balls
RUNNERS do it with vigor
RUNNERS get into more pants
SAIL HACKERS do it with [control]
SAIL HACKERS follow the procedure
SAIL HACKERS have high service levels
SAILORS are best on the sheets
SAILORS do it ad nauseam
SAILORS do it after cruising the seven seas
SAILORS get blown off shore
SAILORS like to be blown
SALESPEOPLE have a way with their tongues
SAX PLAYERS are horny
SAXOPHONISTS have curved ones
SCEPTICS doubt it can be done
SCIENTISTS discovered it
SCIENTISTS do it experimentally
SCIENTISTS do it with plenty of research
SCOTSMEN do it with amazing grace
SCUBA DIVERS do it deeper
SCULPTORS beat at it until bits fall off
SECOND FIDDLES do it vilely
SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5
SEISMOLOGISTS do it when the earth shakes
SEISMOLOGISTS make the earth move
SEMANTICISTS do it with meaning
SENATORS do it on the floor
SERGEANTS do it privately
SET THEORISTS do it with cardinals
SHAKESPEAREAN SCHOLARS do it, or don't do it, that is the question
SHEEP do it when led astray
SHUBERT didn't finish it
SIGNALLERS do it with frequency til it Hertz
SIMULATION HACKERS do it with models
SIMULATORS do it continously & discretely
SINGERS do it with microphones
SKATERS do it on ice
SKEET SHOOTERS do it 25 times in 9 different positions
SKELETONS do it with a bone
SKIERS do it spread eagled
SKIERS do it with poles
SKIERS go down fast
SKUNKS do it instinctively
SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop
SKYDIVERS do it at great heights
SKYDIVERS do it in the air
SKYDIVERS do it sequentially {o}
SKYDIVERS do it spread-eagle
SKYDIVERS go down faster
SKYDIVERS go in harder {p}
SKYDIVERS never do it without a chute
SLAVES are masters at it
SLAVES do it for the maters
SMALL BOAT SAILORS do it by pumping, rocking, and ooching
SMALLTALK PROGRAMMERS have more methods
SNAKES do it in the grass
SNIPERS do it with a single shot
SOAP MANUFACTURERS do it with Zest
SOCCER PLAYERS do it for kicks
SOCCER PLAYERS do it in 90 minutes
SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls
SOCIOLOGISTS do it with class
SOCIOLOGISTS do it with standard deviations
SOCIOLOGY MAJORS do it with a conscience
SOFTWARE DESIGNERS do it over and over until they get it right
SOFTWARE DESIGNERS do it with system
SOFTWARE RELIABLITY SPECIALISTS keep it up longer
SOFTWARE TESTERS do it over and over again
SOLAR ASTRONOMERS do it all day
SOLAR ASTRONOMERS do it with flare
SOLDIERS do it in a uniform fashion
SOLDIERS do it in an orderly fashion
SOLDIERS do it on command
SOLDIERS do it standing erect
SOLDIERS do it with a machine gun
SOLDIERS do shoot it
SOLDIERS parade it
SONARMEN do it aurally
SOPRANOS do it in unison
SOVIET HARDLINE LEADERS do it with tanks
SPARROWS do it for a lark {q}
SPEECH COMMUNICATION MAJORS give good oral
SPEAKERS do it with pointers
SPEAKING CLOCKS do it on the third stroke
SPECTROSCOPISTS do it until it hertz
SPECTROSCOPISTS do it with frequency and intensity
SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists
SPELEOLOGISTS make a science of going deeper
SPELLCASTERS do it with their rods/staves/wands
SPELUNKERS do it in narrow dark places
SPELUNKERS do it in the hole
SPELUNKERS do it underground
SPELUNKERS do it while wearing heavy rubber protective devices
SPIES do it under cover
SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay
SPRINTERS do it after years of conditioning
SPRINTERS do it in less than 10 seconds
ST MATTHEW did it passionately
STAGE HANDS do it behind the scenes
STAGE HANDS do it for every scene
STAGE HANDS do it in the dark
STAGE HANDS do it on cue
STAGE HANDS do it on the fly
STAND-UP COMICS do it standing up
STATISTICIANS do it continuously but discretely
STATISTICIANS do it when it counts
STATISTICIANS do it with 95% confidence
STATISTICIANS do it with large numbers
STATISTICIANS do it with only a 5% chance of being rejected
STATISTICIANS do it with two-tail T tests
STATISTICIANS do it; after all, it's only normal
STATISTICIANS probably do it
STEWARDESSES do it in the air
STRAGGLERS do it in the rear
STRUCTURED PROGRAMMERS DO it OD
STUDENTS are graded for their performance
STUDENTS do it as exercises
STUDENTS do it on a guaranteed loan
STUDENTS do it with their students
STUDENTS use their heads
SUBMARINERS do it deeper
SUBMARINERS use their torpedoes
SUPERCOMPUTER USERS do it in parallel
SURFERS do it in waves
SURFERS do it standing up
SURFERS do it with their wives, or, if unmarried, with their girl friends
SURGEONS are smooth operators
SURGEONS do it incisively
SWASHBUCKLERS do it with three feet of steel
SWIMMERS do it in the water
SWIMMERS do it under water
SWIMMERS do it with a breast stroke
SWIMMERS do it with better strokes
SWINGING HACKERS move swapped
SYSOPS do it with their computers
SYSTEM HACKERS are always ready
SYSTEM HACKERS get it up quicker
SYSTEM HACKERS keep it up longer
SYSTEM HACKERS know where to poke
SYSTEM HACKERS swap on demand
SYSTEM MANAGERS do it with pencils
SYSTEMS go down on their hackers
SYSTEMS have black boxes
SYSTEMS PROGRAMMERS keep it up longer
TAILORS come with no strings attached
TAILORS make it fit
TANKERS do it but leave tracks
TANKERS do it with armour
TANKERS do it with protection
TAP DANCERS do it with their feet
TAXI CAB DRIVERS come faster
TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town
TAXIDERMISTS mount anything
TEACHERS do it 50 times after class
TEACHERS do it repeatedly
TEACHERS do it with class
TEACHERS do it with instruction
TEACHERS make _you_ do it till you get it right
TECHNICIANS do it with frequency
TECHNICIANS do it with greater frequency
TECHNICIANS do it with high voltage probes
TECHNICIANS do it with mechanical assistance
TECHNICIANS test it first
TEDDY BEARS do it with small children
TEDDY ROOSEVELT did it softly, but with a big stick
TELEPHONE CO EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking
TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals
TENNIS PLAYERS cannot play with balls all day long {r}
TENNIS PLAYERS do it in sets
TENNIS PLAYERS do it in their shorts
TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls
TEST MAKERS do it sometimes/always/never
TESTATORS do it willingly
TEXANS do it with oil
THE AIR FORCE does it and aims high
THE AIR FORCE does it... ...after coffee
THE AIR FORCE, aims high, shoots low
THE AIRBORNE 'chute their loads
THE AIRBORNE does it from above
THE ARMY does it 24 hours a day, 365 days a year...
THE ARMY does it being all that they can be
THE ARMY does it with brute force
THE ARTILLERY does it with 155mm guns
THE ARTILLERY shoots bigger loads
THE BLIND do it with feeling
THE CAVALERY does it with charge
THE DEAF do it with a sign
THE ENERGIZER BUNNY does it and keeps going and going, and going, and going
THE FBI does it under cover
THE INFANTRY does it cam'ed
THE INFANTRY does it in fox-holes
THE INFANTRY does it on the attack
THE NAVY does it in waves
THEATER MAJORS do it with an audience
THEATER TECHIES do it in the dark, on cue
THEORETICAL ASTRONOMERS only *think* about it
THEORETICIANS do it conceptually
THEORETICIANS do it with a proof {s}
THIEVES do it in leather
THIEVES do it when you're not looking
THIEVES do it with tools
TRAINEES do it as practice
TRAMPOLINE ACROBATS do it in the air
TRAMPOLINE ACROBATS do it over a net
TRAMPOLINE ACROBATS do it swinging from bars
TRAMPOLINE ACROBATS do it under the big top
TRANSPORT supports it
TREE MEN do it in more crotches than anyone else
TRIBIOLOGICAL ENGINEERS do it by using lubricants
TROMBONE PLAYERS are constantly sliding it in and out
TROMBONE PLAYERS do it faster
TROMBONE PLAYERS do it in 7 positions
TROMBONE PLAYERS do it with slide action finger control
TROMBONE PLAYERS do it with slide oil
TROMBONE PLAYERS have something that's always long and hard
TROMBONE PLAYERS slide it in and out
TROMBONE PLAYERS use more positions
TRUCK DRIVERS carry bigger loads
TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks
TRUCKERS carry bigger loads
TRUCKERS have moving experiences
TRUCK DRIVERS do it on the road
TRUMP does it with cash
TRUMPET PLAYERS blow the best
TRUMPETERS blow hard
TUBA PLAYERS do it with big horns
TUBAS do it deeper
TV EVANGALISTS do more than lay people
TV REPAIRMEN do it in SYNC
TV REPAIRMEN do it with a vertical hold
TV REPAIRMEN do it with their tubes
TWO METER OPERATORS do it with very high frequency
TYPESETTERS do it between periods
TYPISTS do it in triplicate
TYPOGRAPHERS do it to the letter {t}
TYPOGRAPHERS do it with tight kerning
ULTIMATE PLAYERS do it horizontally
UNDERTAKERS do it with corpses
UNION EMPLOYEES do it with a quick strike
UNIX don't do it
UNIX HACKERS go down all the time
UNIX PROGRAMMERS must C her's
UPS EMPLOYEES do it overnight
UROLOGISTS do it in a bottle
USENET FREAKS do it with hard drives
USENET NEWS FREAKS do it with many groups at once
USHERS do it in the dark
USURERS do it with high interests
VACATIONERS do it in a leisure way
VAGRANTS do it everywhere
VALUERS really know the price
VANGUARD do it ahead of everyone else
VEGETARIANS don't do it with meat
VENDORS try hard to sell it
VERIFIERS check on it
VERSIFIERS write poems for it
VETERANS have much more experience than the fresh-handed
VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers
VETERINARIANS do it with animals
VETERINARIANS do it with sick animals
VICARS do it with amazing grace
VICARS substitute others to
VICE PRINCIPALS do it with discipline
VICTIMS are those who got it
VICTORS know how hard to win it
VIEWERS do it with eyes
VILIFIERS say others don't do it well
VILLAGERS do it provincially
VIOLINISTS do it gently
VIOLINISTS prefer odd positions
VIOLONCELLISTS do it low
VIRTUOSI appreciate it
VISA, its everywhere you want to be
VISITORS come and see it
VM PROGRAMMERS do it virtualy all the time
VOCALISTS are good in their mouths
VOLCANOLOGISTS know how violent it can be
VOLES dick through it
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up
VOLUNTEERS do it willingly
VOTARISTS decide to contribute themself
VOTERS will decide who can do it
VOYAGERS do it in between the sea and the sky
VULCANS do it logically
WAITERS and WAITRESSES do it for tips
WAITRESSES do it with chopsticks
WAITRESSES serve it piping hot
WATER SKIERS come down harder
WATER SKIERS do it with cuts
WEATHERMEN do it with crystal balls
WEATHERMEN do it with storm
WELDERS fill all cracks
WELDERS do it with hot rods
WELDERS heat it up before it cuts
WELL DIGGERS do it in a hole
WIZZO'S do it with jamming {u}
WIZZO'S jam it faster, deeper, and more pwerfully
WOODWIND PLAYERS have better tonguing
WRESTLERS know the best holds
WRESTLERS try not to do it on their backs
WRITERS have novel ways
WW I GIs did it over there
X-RAY ASTRONOMERS do it with with high energy
XEROX does it again and again and again and again
ZEN BUDDHISTS do it because they don't want to do it because they want to do
it
ZIPPERMAKERS do it on the fly
ZIPPY does it on his lunch break
ZOOLOGISTS do it with animals
ONE LINERS
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to
buy her friends?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never
opened, small stain.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked
into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she
left me before we met
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in
a good gravy
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin'
hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal
In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made
of.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture
some people have
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast
reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're
in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough
sense to be lazy.
If I worked as much as others, I would do
as little as they.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...
coincidence?
If everything seems to be going well, you
have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they
find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind
gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just
don't have film.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading
my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death
twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's
gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains
kept falling out.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the
dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible
ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill
them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to
bare arms!
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Black holes
are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psycho kinesis raise
my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes
got stuck in my nose.
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