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Here is a collection of humor compiled from sources around the 'net... Disclaimer: Before you get pissed off, we are not trying to pick on any religion, nationality, race, caste, creed, sex, etc. We have not written any of these jokes, so if you're offended by them please don't read them. We won't entertain any complaints concerning these jokes. They have been provided as amusement to those who find them funny. They are strictly to tickle your funny bone! JOKES WILL CHANGE OFTEN, SO VISIT REGULARLY
PAGE 1 UPCOMING HINDI MOVIES 1) Meri Disk Tumhare Paas Hai DRUNK DRIVING A police officer parked outside a local neighborhood
bar late one evening noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated
that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking
lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After
what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the
man managed to find his car. He was there for a few minutes as
a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he
started the car, switched on the lights moving the vehicle forward
a few feet then in At last, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated No evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station, this breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." QUESTIONS TO PONDER
SHORT JOKES A man
and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress,
taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that
the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table,
with the woman acting unconcerned. After the waitress finished taking
the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon
me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." * * * * * * * * * * A man
was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old
lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, not a chance, think of another wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really
good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced
four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm
insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how
they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the
silent treatment...know why they're crying, know what they really
want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy........ " * * * * * * * * * * Observing
the baby one night a wife found her husband standing over their
baby's crib. Silently she watched him. "It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50." * * * * * * * * * * A blonde began a job as an elementary school
counsellor, and she was eager to help. She approached and asked
if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later however,
she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching
again, the blonde said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" * * * * * * * * * * A wife woke in the
middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She
got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing
from the basement. "Remember, 20 years
ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry
you or to go to jail?" * * * * * * * * * * HOW
DO CRAZY PEOPLE GO THROUGH THE FOREST? HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER ? WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE
WALL? WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE
TOO LONG? WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T
WORK ? WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS ? WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS ? WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND
? WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW? WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH
A VAMPIRE ? WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES? WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND
PEA SOUP? WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS NRI IN INDIA A rich widower miser NRI went back to India and married a young village girl. The girl did not like his hugging and kissing all the time. He thought of a scheme to teach his wife not to hate his American life style. He bought a piggy bank and told his wife that every time he kisses or hugs her, he will put a rupee coin in the piggy bank and at the end of month she can open the bank and buy a new saree with the money. The scheme worked very well. The young wife showed more willingness to be kissed and hugged. At the end of the month he gave her the key and told his wife to open the piggy bank. What he saw did not please him. There were many 5 and 10 rupee bills along with rupee coins in the box. Where did these come from he demanded angirly. I’ve been putting only rupee coins. Not everyone is as kanjoos as you replied the wife. MADE IN INDIA A tiny racing car was developed
by American scientists. AATI KYA KHANDALA? Hindi: He : Aye kya bolti tu?
H: heey, kya chaakh wannan?
H: ei ki bolis tui;
H: Aye kay tu mhantes?;
H: Aye,yemantaavu?
H: Aye, Yenanti Nee?
H: Aye cha ti chaven?
H: Aye su bole tu?
H: A ki bolahin too,
H: Aye what do you say? MEDICAL CONDITION A lady goes in to the doctor's office to ask a question about her medication. She said, "I want to know how severe my condition is?" The doctor said, "Why do you ask?" She replied, "Well you told me to take my medicine the rest of my life and it says no refills!" FREEFALLING Two men are sitting in a bar when the first one says, "If you jump out that window you will go down, but then come back up and back through the window, because of the updraft." He then showed the man by jumping out, then coming back through the window. Deciding it must be true, the second man jumps out and plummets to his death. The bartender walks up to the first man and said, "Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk." ONLY IN AMERICA Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America... are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get prescriptions. Only in America... do we order a double cheeseburger, a large fry, and a diet coke. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the garage. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America... do banks have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. MURPHY'S LAWS
Everything takes longer than you think. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. If there is a possibility of several things
going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the
one to go wrong. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. Mother nature is a bitch. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. The light at the end of the tunnel is only the light of an oncoming train. Every solution breeds new problems. Two wrongs are only the beginning. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want. Exceptions always outnumber rules. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. No one is listening until you make a mistake. He who hesitates is probably right. The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled. If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine. One child is not enough, but two children are far too many. A clean tie attracts the soup of the day. The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the butter. The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs. When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight. The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow. The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs. You never want the one you can afford. Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good price. If it says "one size fits all," it doesn't fit anyone. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent. When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. No matter which way you go, it's uphill and against the wind. If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence. Progress is made on alternative Fridays. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. The hidden flaw never remains hidden. As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible. The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. The one item you want is never the one on sale. The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys. If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable.
CRICKET & DIVORCE DIVORCE COURT SCENE : The Judge asks the little girl: Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy? Girl - No, my mummy beats me. Judge - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy. Girl - No, my daddy beats me too. Judge - Well then, who do you want to live with? Girl - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!! ETHNIC JOKES Why did the Malayalee crossed the road ? How was wire invented? Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was
about a woman? What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu? What is the most famous jingle in A.P. ? What do you call a very rich Malayalee? What do you call a Bengali who takes bribe? Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything
to the UP ka bhayiya? What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh
no dikro States ma gayon" ? ETHNIC NAMES What is he called? A Sindhi lawyer?: Case-wani SAYINGS SEEN ON BUTTONS 1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
You might be a Desi if, you have a bought a video camera just before a Niagara trip and returned it after the trip. You might be a Desi if, you keep switching your internet service provider because the first month is free. You might be a Desi if, the only reason you go to a temple/church/mosque on festivals is because there is free food. You might be a Desi if, you keep comparing prices at circuit city for the phone you bought six months ago. You might be a Desi if, if you bought a Toyota or Honda car only because it has better resale value. You might be a Desi if, you go back to your apartment for lunch. You might be a Desi if, you know all the $.50 theaters in your city. You might be a Desi if, you ask for a small drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free. You might be a Desi if, spent 2 days cleaning your apartment before leaving so you can get full security refund from your landlord. You might be a Desi if, you don't know any American outside your work You might be a Desi if, the lawyer handling your green card is in your speed dial. You might be a Desi if, you try to ignore all other unknown Desi's around you. You might be a Desi if, you talk to Americans as if you represent your whole country. You might be a Desi if, you frequent to yard sales every week. You might be a Desi if, your dinner involves spreading newspaper on the living room floor. You might be a Desi if, you are compelled to visit ever major city in US, just so as to say that "Yes I have been there" You might be a Desi if, you have a bucket in your bath tub. You might be a Desi if, you have to borrow luggage from friends for a visit back home. You might be a Desi if, the smoke detector goes off whenever your are cooking dinner. You might be a Desi if, you use grocery bags as garbage bags. You might be a Desi if, office supplies mysteriously find their way in your house. You might be a Desi if, you don't want to buy a printer because you can always use the office printer. You might be a Desi if, you decide to marry a girl/guy that your parents fixed you up with. You might be a Desi if, if you smell like a curry. You might be a Desi if, you have Rin (detergent soap cake) in your bathroom. You might be a Desi if, you have taken pictures of your car and mailed to your folks back home. You might be a Desi if, you know all of your friends salary. You might be a Desi if, you tried to talk in a phony accent with the freshmen in the school. You might be a Desi if, there are more that 4 guys living in a 2-bedroom apartment. You might be a Desi if, you have cooking schedule in your kitchen cabinet. You might be a Desi if, you spend at least 2 evenings in a week at Kmart. You might be a Desi if, you split the tax from your common grocery bill.
YOU ARE AN INDIAN IF ... If you relate to most of these statements, your ancestors are probably from India. If not, you're in denial!! You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack. You have never used your dishwasher. You eat all meals in the kitchen. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use grocery bags to hold garbage. You always leave your shoes at the door. You hate to waste food. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing. You don't own any real Tupperware -- only a cupboard full of used, but carefully rinsed, margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel. The condiments in your fridge are either Price-Club/Sam's sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take-out or go to McDonalds. Ditto paper napkins. You never order room service. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 5 minutes). You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. You majored in engineering, medicine or law. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old. (And they prefer it that way). If you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood. You don't use measuring cups. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax. Your parents' house is always cold. You reuse teabags. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Information costs 50 cents. You only make long distance calls after 9pm. You have acquired a taste for bitter gourd. You like your meat well done. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight. Your parents never go to the movies. Your parents send money to their relatives in foreign countries. Your parents use a clothes line. You've joined a CD club at least once. You know someone who you think can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics. You never discuss your love life or sex with your parents. Your parents are never happy with your grades. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again. You keep used batteries. You keep most of your money in a savings account. You call an older person you never met before "uncle." The first thing uncle asks you is "where are your parents from?" When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin. You've been asked if you are a Hindi, or if you speak Hindu. Your parents buy Sears/Montgomery Ward appliances believing they are the best. No one you're related to is a music major. You avoid motels, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 mile radius of your destination. You sleep on their floor. When you type, you put a space between the last word in a sentence and the terminating punctuation mark ! Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs. When our fathers get together, no matter what the topic is, each man is an expert. You have a box of tissue or a towel in your car. You grow your own vegetables. You can't park your car in the garage, because you never throw anything away and keep it there (just in case you need it). You trust only foreign cars (Accord or Camry, metallic green). You drive 2 hours and spend a whole day to get a complementary cutlery set for listening to a sales pitch on vacation timeshares. 99.9% of the women you know, work in hospitals (Malayalees). You cook in bulk. You have bed sheets on your sofas. When dining out, your parents think $1 is enough of a tip. You recycle Christmas/Birthday gifts. You head to the clearance rack as soon as you walk into a store. You buy clothes from K-mart and put it in a recycled gift box from Macy's before giving it. Your favorite brand name is "IRREGULAR". The few silverware you have is mismatched and plastic. You frequently get honked at by those stupid American drivers who think they know how to drive. You know someone who owns a motel or a convenience store. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people. You think an Indian businessman will give you a better deal because he's Indian. You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonials no matter what she looks like. Your dad thinks it's perfectly OK to hawk and spit out a loogey on the sidewalk. You use Vicks VapoRub. The video tapes you rent are 10th generation copies and have scrolling commercials in the middle of the movie. You know the words of the "Vicco Turmeric" commercial. You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train. You've had to swerve around animals grazing on the road. You've been in a bus where half the people riding are outside the bus. All your Tupperware is stained with food color. You have drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can cut your mouth if you're not careful. Experiencing 20 power blackouts in a single day doesn't faze you. You tape Christmas cards on your wall. You have a plastic rug-runner going down your hallway at home. There's a pungent odor of spices as one enters your home. You've never had a tanning salon membership. You call fluorescent lights "tube lights" or a flashlight a "torch." You pronounce "wary" and "very" the same way. You pack a suitcase full of toilet paper when visiting India. You've tied up your luggage with rope to keep it from falling apart.
DOCTOR vs. LAWYER Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the physician, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the physician's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the Coke, the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The physician returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the physician slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?" THREE
WISHES Three guys go fishing and catch a mermaid. The mermaid begs them to let her free and offers them 1 wish each if they do. So the 1st guy says I want to be smarter. Then suddenly the guy knows all these equations and poetry and stuff. The next guy says I want to be twice as smart. Then suddenly he knows Shakespeare and lots of other smart stuff. The 3rd guy then says I want to be 4 times smarter. Then suddenly he turns into a woman. SAYINGS THAT SHOULD BE ON BUTTONS RELATIONSHIP BUTTONS 1. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in
my cleavage. GENERAL LIFE 5. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. OFFICE BUTTONS 10. A cubicle is just a padded cell without
a door. GREAT INSULT BUTTONS 14. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? SHORT
JOKES A Sardarji newly arrived in England, brought
a car before he picked up the language or rules of the road. One
day while driving in the countryside is car skidded off the the
road and landed in ditch. Much as he tried, he could not get it
to move forward or backward. An Englishman passing-by who came
to help him asked, "What's the matter, mate?" Teacher : I wish you would pay a little attention. A man, showing off his knowledge to another,
asked if he knew what shape the world was. This happened to an American visitor in Madras.
In his hotel room he picked up the telephone one night and asked
for a 7-up. The switchboard operator answered in his best English, "7-up
? Yes, sir." What do you use to count cows? What is the coalman's favorite drink? Santa :"Yaar, where does the sun go at
night?"
A first grade class was in the class listening to the teacher who was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? Tommy: Yes. Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass outside? Tommy: Yes. Teacher: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky. Tommy: OK. (He returned a few minutes later). Yes, I saw the sky. Teacher: Did you see God? Tommy: No. Teacher: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He doesn't exist. A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed. Little girl: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? Tommy: Yes Little girl: Tommy do you see the grass outside? Tommy: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions by this time). Little girl: Did you see the sky? Tommy: Yessssss Little Girl: Tommy, do you see the teacher? Tommy: Yes Little Girl: Do you see her brain? Tommy: No Little Girl: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one....
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Put on your seatbelt... I wanna try something. The Universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel. Tonight's weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. Radioactive cats have 18 halflives. DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data. A day without sunshine is like night. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count; those who can't. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. Chocolate: the OTHER major food group. If you can't convince them, confuse them. Death is hereditary. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. Multitasking screwing up several things at once. Beat the 5 o'clock rush Leave work at noon! I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to roof of mouth. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Polynesia: memory loss in parrots. A good pun is its own reword. Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! To err is human, to moo bovine. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. Man who smoke pot choke on handle. Kurt Cobain Soft Drink: it's extremely bitter and it has no head. MicroSloth: "Bringing you ten year old technology, tomorrow, maybe." How does Teflon stick to the pan? OK, so what's the speed of dark? Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name backwards?" Simon: "No Mis" Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! Black holes are where God divided by zero. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Mary had a little lamb....and Mulder was determined to find out why. There's an exception to every rule, except this one. In Dog Years I'm Dead I am Woman, I am invincible, I am tired Age and Treachery will always Overcome Youth and Skill TEAM EFFORT Is a lot of people doing what I say I'm not unemployed, I'm a consultant SARDARJI
JOKES Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his
university final examination. He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in
a fit of inspiration takes An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector.The Englishman says."I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ goes the lie detector. "Ok, 10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says. "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ goes the lie detector. "All right, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine. So this Sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he must be thinking ?? "Saala aaj bhi girna paray ga..." (I'll have to fall today too!) Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too." Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. "What happened?" asked Surjit. "Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday." "How come ?" "Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet." "But that's only Rs. 500, where did the rest go?" "Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!" A Sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?" "That idiot called back after sometime" Q: What do you do when a Sardarji throws a
pin at you? Q: What is the Sardarji doing when he holds
his hands tightly over his ears? Q: Why do Sardarjis work seven days a week? Q: What did the Sardarji do when he noticed
that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? Q: How do you confuse a Sardarji? Q: How did the Sardarji try to kill the bird? Q: What do you get when you offer a Sardarji
a penny for his thoughts? Q: What do you call 10 Sardarjis standing
ear to ear? Q: A Sardarji going to London on a plane,
how can you steal his window seat? Q: What do you call a Sardarji in a tree with
a brief case? Q: What do you see when you look into a Sardarji's
eyes? Q: What's the difference between a Sardarji
and a Supermarket Trolley? A Sardarji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of
forty? Q: A Sardarji was asked if he believed in
smoking.
"Rubi!" "Woof!" "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
PSYCHOLOGY TEACHER A new teacher is trying to make use of her
Psychology courses. A car was involved in an accident. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car. Being the clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey. ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. He who laughs last thinks slowest! Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free? The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl. Constant change is here to stay CAUTION: I drive like you do. Sorry, I don't date outside my species. If you can read this, I've lost my trailer! I'm the guy your parents warned you about. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? I'm not a complete Idiot, some parts are missing. Couldn't afford to fix my brakes, so I made my horn louder. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Too close for missiles: Switching to guns. Don't read while you drive, you'll crash. No radio, already stolen. I brake for Tailgaters. I may be slow but at least I'm ahead of you! Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery Me a skeptic? I hope you have proof. Those who can, do. Those who can't hire others to. Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open. Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon! Polynesia: memory loss in parrots. OK, so what's the speed of dark? My other mode of transportation is a broom.... I really thought it would make a great gift for my ex mother in law . Hang up the Phone and Drive the Car Life is short. Don't be a dick. If you're rich, I'm single. If you don't like my driving, then get off the sidewalk! You! Out of the gene pool! We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. Born free... taxed to death. I'm only driving this way to piss you off.
THE CAST Boss: Ajit Robert: Boss, Sona kahan hai ? (Where is the
Gold?) Rawbert: Boss, mera teesra bachcha ho gaya,
uska naam soch ke bataiye. Lily: Boss, mere ko twins hoey hain.. dono
ladki ke liye koi naam suggest kijiye. Rawbert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse
jyada pasand hein? Ajit: Rawbert,is ko microprocessor may daal do! Bit by bit mar jaayga gaa saala! Ajit: Rawbert, is ko liquid oxygen may daal do! Liquid issay jeenay nahi de gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi de gaa! Ajit: Rawbert, Diana ko thoda khatta khila dayna, yeh Diana se dinasour ban ho jayegi, phir extinct bhi ho jaayegi! Ajit: Rawbert, isey thodi shampane pila do, paheley shame sey, phir pane sey mar jayegaa kameena. Ajit: Mona daarrling, tum Toni ke saath ghuumna band kar do, nahin to bahut MonaToni ho jayegee! Ajit: Maikal, ise liquid helium mein daal ke 440 V pass kar do. Phir yeh superconductor ban jaayega, aur zindagi bhar ticket kaat-ta reh jaayega! Maikal: Baaas, yeh aadmi to kuch bol hi nahin
raha hai. Kya karen? Ajit: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat
do. Rawbert: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe
headache ho raha hai. Rawbert: Boss, China se Mr.Hu aayee hain.
A KING does it with his official seal |
